Syndee's First Blog

Ziggy

2009-07-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

Recap of treatments 6-10

2009-07-17T06:28:00.001-07:00

Treatment 6 found me sick only a day after treatment - just overall feeling lousy. Ended up with sores in my mouth and throat and had to get antifungal to treat it. Also started having ache on right side of stomach - where my gallbladder used to be. The only day I felt decent was Tuesday afternoon.

Treatment 7 was interesting...my knees swelled up as well as my hands and face. I couldn't walk from one room to another without being out of breath, heart pounding, and sweating profusely. It was strangely similar to a panic attack feeling - remembered that this is how my sister-in-law felt when she had congestive heart failure. Little scary... Ended up getting put on lasix, on top of the hydroclorathiazide (HCTZ) that I already take to get rid of excess water. At least it did the trick and the swelling went down.

Treatment 8 wasn't so bad...similar swelling and heart pounding, but lasix again, helped. Still just feeling the numbness - which goes away, the weird missing the back of my head feeling-which goes away, the difficulty concentrating and dizziness -which goes away. 4th of July weekend...I was able to get out to a couple of parties with Dave on Saturday and then Sunday, Dave and I took Ziggy to the beach, where he had an awesome time digging in the sand. The girls were in Florida with their Aunt Kim.

Treatment 9 was a bit more depressing and difficult, even knowing there was just one more treatment left. Just very nauseaus and headachy all weekend long. Dave and I have been trying to get out and go for walks with Ziggy each evening. That definitely seems to help me, getting some exercise and strength back. I'll need it for when we go to Wildwood and walk the boardwalk. I felt better by Tuesday and took Ziggy over to my friend, Al's, house. Al has 4 dalmations and a husky. The dalmations are all ages 9-12 and the husky is 2. The husky, RJ, was awesome with Ziggy...keeping an eye on him at all times and keeping him in line. It was really very cute. If Ziggy stepped out of line, RJ was right by his side, with his jaws over Ziggy's neck and RJ would growl, and Ziggy would stop. Then they had fun together as well--they would chase each other. When all the big dogs lay down for a snooze, Ziggy followed suit. Ali and Cassie started their choral festival this week at Adelphi. They're staying at Aunt Kim's nearby and Ali is driving the two of them each day. A bit nervewracking for us, but we need to let go a bit-they let us know when they leave and arrive at places to keep us calm.

Treatment 10...YAY! As much as I want to celebrate, there's always this thought in the back of my head...what if this isn't really over? What if I need more treatment???? The next phase of treatment begins with a shot to put me into menopause, followed by a daily regimen of Arimidex to lower my estrogen/progesterone production. Reason for this is that the type of cancer I have had is esgtrogen/progesterone positive. This means that my cancer grows because of those hormones...block the hormones/stop the cancer. It's now Friday and although a bit nauseaus, not too bad so far. We'll be going to see the girls concert later this evening. I'm looking forward to enjoying them sing-it's Ali's last concert with them since the summer between 5th and 6th grade.

5 Down, 5 to go

2009-06-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, June 10th...Halfway there!!! Chemo went really fast today--we got there at 10 and were out at 2. We grabbed some burgers at Bobby Flays after treatment (always craving red meat--I am not a red meat eater normally!). The girls had a voice lesson after school for their July performance (vicd'amore studio recital) and then we headed to the orthopedist for an MRI results follow up. The results showed just some soft tissue/muscle issues and bone bruising on Ali's shoulder and knee. More physical therapy needed. If Cassie is still in pain in a month, she may have to get injections into her lumbar spine area. Hopefully pt will continue and help her. I had major heartburn all afternoon as I dropped Cassie off at soccer and then the girls off at physical therapy. I headed out to Riverhead to pick Dave up at the dealership where he dropped his truck off to get the transmission checked out. Then we headed together to get the girls at physical therapy. We talked with Gary about how much we enjoyed Buttercup. As I arrived home, the pepcid had kicked in and I was no longer feeling the awful heartburn.

Thursday, June 11th... feeling great today, so far... it's only noon.

Round 4

2009-06-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, June 3rd...Another chemo down. Girls had physical therapy tonight. At the end, they were talking to Gary about how they babysit, and he said that he needed a dogsitter for the weekend. He and his family were heading out of town for a 90th birthday party. Cassie jumped right in and said, "I'm your girl... I'll watch your dog!" Oh boy oh boy.

Thursday, June 4th...Fuzzy headedness started this afternoon--already???!!! NO fair. Along with this came the right-sided numbness feeling. It's so weird...it happens each time, and I know it's a side effect, but it still makes me nervous.

Friday, June 5th...Dave took off today for a golf tournament to benefit Relay for Life and Lupus Walk. It got rained out by torrential downpours and rescheduled for August. I felt lousy today and while I lounged around on the couch, Dave went into the garden in his rainsuit and planted all of the vegetables I bought yesterday. We left around 5 to go pick up Gary's dog, Buttercup. She was great in the car, while we waited at Walgreens Drive Thru, Dave 'taught her to drive'. Then after getting me settled in back home, he took Ali for her senior portraits this evening. After, Ali was off to go babysit with Amy. We hung out with Buttercup--who is an awesome little Jack Russell (not hyper at all, though).

Saturday, June 6th...My mom took me for hydration, while Ali picked up Cassie and brought her to Deer Park to go practice for a singing gig they have in July. We met up at Bobby Flay's Burger Palace. The girls headed out from there to go food shopping for Relay for Life at Pat-Med. After returning home, Buttercup and I chilled out together and napped most of the afternoon away. The girls and I headed out to Relay around 5:45, dropping Cassie at soccer tryouts. I went to the survivors dinner with Ali and met up with Maureen and Marie , with Dave joining us after he got out of work. I walked the surviviors and the first lap of the Relay, and then retreated to Maureen and Maries site until around 9, when Dave took me home. Buttercup and I spent a cuddly night together. She joined me each time I got up to go to the bathroom and settled in right next to my side when I retreated to bed. I'm really getting attached to this little dog.

Sunday, June 7th...Ali came in at 6 am and went right to bed. Dave texted and told me he and Cassie were joining the Mantoura's and Kawko's for breakfast at Island Grill. Cassie slept for about an hour and then was off to soccer at 9 am. Buttercup joined Dave and I at the soccer field. Cassie played a few minutes of each half--her back and legs were hurting from all the walking the night before/ and lack of sleep. Her team won their game though 5-2! Buttercup was a hit with parents from both teams. Kayla's little sister Emma was thrilled with her as well. Dave somehow, working on adreneline maybe, opened the pool. I slept most of the afternoon away, fighting tingly head, arms and legs, as well as nausea. We went to the movies to see Night At The Museum 2 -- Dave slept through the movie. Buttercup joined us to sleep.

Monday, June 8th...Enjoyed my day with my new pal Buttercup, napping on and off, and was getting sadder by the minute that we had to return her this afternoon. We brought her back at 4 and I actually cried in the car after leaving her. Cassie quickly texted Dave, telling him that we need to get a dog. Dave and I attended the Tri-M induction this evening. Cassie was being inducted into this music honor society. The girls went out with their friends to Applebees afterward and Dave and I returned to our dogless house. It seemed empty without Buttercup there. :(

Tuesday, June 9th...Back onto steroids!!! Jackie Manno brought lunch over and her baby, Gia. I had to pick Cassie up from school--she wasn't feeling well--lack of sleep the other day caught up with her. I went to 'Look Good, Feel Better' sponsored by the American Cancer Society. They went over tips for makeup and wig care, and gave me a tote bag full of makeup from many different manufacturers. The best part was showing how to pencil in eyebrows when they start to thin, and tips for eyelashes as well. I learned that I've been putting on mascara incorrectly all these years, and blush has been in the wrong place. Go figure! From here, Dave and I picked up Cassie and went to the PTG (Players Theatrical Group) Awards Ceremony. Ali got an award for her performance in Seussical and she performed 'Take Me for Who I Am' from Rent, with her friend Ashley. We enjoyed the performances, and ceremony, and then the girls were off to Friendly's to celebrate.

Weekly Update

2009-06-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

I think by keeping this blog, it helps me to see patterns in how I feel after each treatment. I am reassured, by looking over my notes, that there are some 'normal' things that consistantly happen each treatment. One of those is this weird numb-head feeling. I actually psych myself out and go through the 'stroke' tests to make sure I'm just fine (stick out tongue, smile, say a simple sentence...).

Thursday, May 28...Feeling good all day. Lots of energy from lack of sleep again! Worked on cleaning and shining my wood floors-they look fabulous thanks to 'Orange-glo 4 in 1 wood floor shine'. At 11, my mom and I went to Tara's for lunch and then I drove over to Fortunato Breast Center for my 6-month checkup and new 'map' of the area. The doctor had written me a script for a mammogram. After the mammo, I was told to wait while the doc on call looked over my pics. When the tech came back, she told me the doc wanted to do a sonogram, just to get a good baseline for what things look like now (post-surgery and radiation). Funny, how panic sets in--my brain must have instantly linked back to my October experience---sure they just want to get a basline--what aren't they telling me. After texting Dave and Theresa (she knows all too well--and assured me that it's protocol for her now), I felt better. As I wrote to Dave, "What's the worst they can tell me, I have cancer?"

...Took the girls to the allergist this afternoon. After checking them over, he agreed that they have spring allergies and gave them tons of scripts for allergy meds and new inhaler, for Ali.
...The allergist is across the street from Mama Lombardi's. The garlic wafting over made us head there for dinner--we just ate in the take out area of the restaurant. Food is starting to taste weird again.
...Ali went home and got ready for her class trip to Philadelphia and Hershey. I dropped her of at Kate's house so she could sleep over there and Diana would take her to school in the morning.

Friday, May 29. Feeling good again, but just a little nauseaus. Finished the floors and rearranged the living room a bit. I decided not to take the Zofran to see if it made my head feel any better. I was able to drive to Dr. Dacosta's for my 2 pm appointment, and I felt just fine--just nauseaus. Dr. DaCosta said, when I come in for hydration on Saturday morning, he'll order Aloxi (anti-nausea i.v. drug). The Aloxi should help with the nausea for 48-72 hours afterward.
... From the doctor, I headed south to meet up with Cassie for her All State solo. I stopped at 7-11 on the way, to get some Gatorade and a roll for me (nausea) and a tea for Cassie. Her solo went well and we headed home--me feeling a bit woozy and ready to lay down for a stretch.
....Friend, Deirdre and her husband, Bill, dropped by with some awesome pasta in a pink sauce with sundried tomatoes. It really hit the spot for the three of us (Ali still on trip).

Saturday, May 30. Dave got up bright and early to bring Cassie up to the high school at 6 am. Her class trip to Dorney Park was underway. Mom took me for hydration and Aloxi at 9:30 and we got out of there at noon. I was craving a burger, so we headed over to The Good Steer for lunch. I was feeling a bit dizzy and nauseaus, but it felt good to be out and about for a little while. I spent the day doing laundry and then resting. Dave called in to Medford Pastaria for dinner and picked up each of the girls from their trips.

Sunday, May 31. Still battling some nausea, I was not about to give in to take the Zofran, and risk the chance of a mind-blowing headache. We went to our friend's son, Alex's, Eagle Scout Award Ceremony/Brunch. What a proud moment for their family, and a great achievement for Alex. I tried as best I could to focus on the ceremony, but my mind just drifts around so much. Even watching sitcoms--I could watch a bunch of them and not tell you what any one of them was about.
...Went home around 3 and slept until 5:30. It was a great nap, but I woke with a weird feeling, like the back of my head was missing. It was numb--I had to touch it to make sure it was really still there. Cassie went out with Eric to go see Terminator--first time out with a guy who drives. THAT was a bit nerverwracking! He seems like a really nice young man though.

Monday, June 1. Nausea continues, but my head is clear enough to move around and get some things done. Today, I worked on cleaning up the countertop by the sink in our kitchen. This is the one where all of the mail gets thrown, and it was highly neglected for a long time. It was fulfilling to get it done. I also worked on a couple of long overdue photo albums. Neck and lower back spasms have begun again--nothing too horrible, just annoying. Looking back, I notice this happened last Monday as well.
...Cassie scored a 98 on her AllState solo. YAY! This is a great score and I am so proud of her for unleashing her voice! I went out around 3:30 to go get Dave's Aunt Mary a birthday present and picked up some pants and shirts for Dave as well. After leaving Kohl's, I felt a bit dizzy and nauseaus and picked up a plain cheeseburger and McDonald's sweet tea. Dave called over to Aunt Mary's to make sure she'd be home for us to stop over for her birthday. She said she had picked up a cake in case anyone came over. I think last year, we celebrated at Dave's parents house?
...Girls went to their music gala at 6, and Dave and I headed to --of all places-- Burger King. I wanted a burger again--I ate a Whopper and it really hit the spot. We went to Aunt Mary's and chatted with her friend Sheila, Sheila's daughter Lisa and grandaughter as well as Kim and Mr. and Mrs. Z.

Tuesday...Back to the steroids! Not as energetic as usual though. Could I be getting used to them? Spent the morning cleaning out kitchen cabinets under the counter where I worked yesterday. Reorganized and rearranged for more efficiency--we'll see how long it lasts! Nausea is gone and I'm onto the steroid hunger! Planning on getting out and about--getting to Sam's, bank, district office, etc.
...Cassie has a lumbar mri scheduled for 3 this afternoon and tomorrow's chemo is at 10. Yippee--round 4 coming up.

Another day, another chemo

2009-05-27T02:22:00.001-07:00

Steroids wake me up at night! It happened last Wednesday and now it's happened again. I am wide awake at 3 am!!! The day before, the day of, and the day after chemo, I take Decadron--a steroid--2 pills in the am and 2 pills at dinner. I had trouble falling asleep Tuesday nights around midnight. Then, I was up at 1:00 for a bathroom break, then wide awake at 3am. Tossed and turned and tried to fall back asleep for about an hour. Got out of bed at 4:15 and finished reading 'The Shack'. What a great book--have to revisit it again, though--way too much thinking involved.

So this past week was interesting.
Chemo on Wednesday, May 20th. 9:15-2:30. Went home and planted flowers with Dave. Ate dinner at home on our 19th wedding anniversary, and then went to the concert that the girls were in.

Thursday, May 21. Feeling very energetic all day, started to get tired at night. Was able to take Ali for her knee mri and dropped off music for the accompanyist for Cassie's AllState solo and bring the girls to physical therapy at 7/7:15.

Friday, May 22. Girls were off. Less energetic, pretty nauseous all day. Went for rehydration at 2:15 and didn't get out until 5. Felt a bit better then and went to pick up my new wig afterward. Ali headed out to Steff's grandma's for the night.

Saturday, May 23. Dave brought Ali, Mary and Steff out to Calverton to lay flags on the gravesites of soldiers for 'Operation SOS' (a club that Ali belongs to in school). I was feeling pretty tired and had a wicked headache and nausea. After they returned home, Ali, Cassie, Steff and Dave and I headed for his sister, Kim's, house. Dave took the girls to the air show and I stayed back with his parents to help prep for the barbeque. I felt somewhat productive, cutting tomatoes, onions, cheese. Then around 4 pm, we ate--red meat has never tasted sooooo good before! I went to lay down after that and woke up around 7. I had a good 3 hours of feeling quite wonderful, and then the fatigue, headache, and nausea kicked back in. It was a rough drive home.

Sunday, May 24. Slept most of the day away with a headache and nausea. It's amazing how much I can sleep! and then sleep some more. Found out today that Blue Gatorade is KEY! We went over to Debbie and Jay's (neighbors of Jeff and Theresa's) for a barbeque/dinner around 6. Cassie's new 'boy' interest joined us. He followed us there in his car, so he could head straight home afterward, since he lives halfway between us and them. He was a good sport about meeting all of us for the first time, on such a huge scale of people. It turns out that he already knows my brother in law, Jeff, and our friend Tom, because his dad worked for the same company as they do. Pretty small world. Oh, and Dave also fit him and his sister for shoes when they were younger. Only issue is that he's 19 and she's only 16. We left around 10 and I had a great night sleep.

Monday, May 25. Slept most of the day away with a headache, and nausea. I was able to get little things done on a small scale: laundry, bathtub cleaning. Each time I would finish a project, I would lay down for a while. We grilled up some burgers for dinner (Cassie went to Nikole's for a BBQ) and sat outside for the first time this season. I was feeling a bit blue, beginning to wonder if I would have any 'feeling somewhat good days', wondering how to make it through the next 8 weeks of treatment. Will the toxins gradually build up and I'll feel worse???

Tuesday, May 26. Began steroid again, in preparation for chemo on Weds. What a great, productive day I had. Steroids are wonderful...during the day that is! I was able to get ironing done without having to take a nap! I got bills paid, finished up laundry, went to Sam's and Stop and Shop, picked up a present for my mother-in-law at Kohl's and went to a parent meeting for Ali's class trip this weekend. Then, at 7, we all went to my in-laws for my mother-in-law's birthday party. Bed at 11, wide awake at 3 am again!

Ali's Junior Prom

2009-05-21T06:09:00.000-07:00

The night before Cassie's Sweet 16, Ali had her Junior Prom. She was one of the nominees for Homecoming Court, which was such an honor out of 700+ students, she was one of 6 girls to be nominated!

Above are some pictures of her all dressed up for the evening. Click on the picture to see a larger image.

New Treatment Course

2009-05-21T05:50:00.000-07:00

Since the Taxotere, was so taxing on my digestive tract, the oncologist has changed up the course of my chemo. I will be going every week for the next nine weeks, instead of once every three weeks. The dosage of Taxotere will be lowered and the Cytoxin is changed to Carboplatin. I went yesterday for treatment and I'm feeling pretty well today. Just a slight headache and some intestinal grumbling. And water tastes weird again! This is the worst part for me as I am usually a big water drinker and I need to keep hydrated. I set an appointment for tomorrow to get rehydrated, anticipating that first weekend where I began hallucinating from dehydration from my first chemo. We'll see how it goes.

I had a good week and a half of feeling absolutely normal! I hope that the lowered doses will keep me on a more even keel--will I feel slighly lousy all the time, getting worse every week as the drugs build up in my system over the 9 weeks? Only time will tell...

Cassie's Sweet 16 went very well...tons of dancing, good food, and great company. Thanks to family help, we had invitations made by my sister-in-law Laura; the video montage made by my brother-in-law Jeff and my niece Samantha; my sister-in-law Kim brought Cassie to get her hair, makeup and nails done. We had a great candle lighting ceremony with a gorgeous sandcastle made by our friend Kim (see picture above).

Complications

2009-05-11T05:01:00.001-07:00

Tuesday morning-May 5th, I woke up with lower abdominal cramping. I had a bit of that Saturday morning, so I was thinking that maybe I was getting dehydrated again. After my second trip to the bathroom in a mere half hour, I looked down to a toilet full of bloody diarrhea. After the 3rd and 4th time over the next hour, I figured it was time to call the oncologist's office. The nurse practitioner in charge told me to go to the emergency room. I opted for Mather Hospital, knowing that most of the oncologists have privileges there.

My mom brought me as Dave was alone in the store that day. They put me in a private ER room, which was kind of nice. It even had a T.V. and one of the nurses went right off to get my mom a chair to sit it. They did a CT scan and found nothing in the intestines; They DID find a lesion on my pancreas though and told me they would follow it up with an MRI. They admitted me at 3:30 that afternoon. I got into an actual room at 10:00 pm.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009. Besides bloodwork, blood pressure, and temperature, no tests were done at all... except for a test for C-Def, e-coli, salmonella, and other intestinal type issues (some kind of super-bug). The diarrhea continues all day and they have plenty of samples to work with. All the tests come back negative.

Thursday, May 7, 2009. Diarrhea continues and the blood is back...ugh. Today, I'm on a liquids-only diet to get ready for a colonoscopy tomorrow. This is really no fun at all. I'm beginning to get quite sore from all this bathroom going. They take me for the MRI around 3pm. Then, when I return, they start me on te prep for the colonoscopy which will be done on Friday. The prep involves a 4 liter (about a gallon) jug of a clear, liquid that foams when you pour it into a glass. It tastes a bit like the bottom of a margherita--salty and a bit sweet. Not bad for a sip, but a whole gallon? ALSO...how much more can they really expect to get out of me????!!!! After drinking a quarter of this jug, I head, yet again to the bathroom. 20 minutes later...off to the bathroom again...now it's clear liquid coming out, but I still have 3/4 of a jug to polish off. My friend, Jen visits as I guzzle down until I'm halfway through. After she leaves, I realize I just can't take any more of this torture down below. I retreat to my bed and cry like a baby. The nurse comes in and I tell her how sore I am. She gets me Desitin and it works great...helps to cry like a baby! She tells me to take a break from drinking and I do. About an hour later, I'm ready to try again. I drink another quarter and she tells me I can stop because now she's going to bring me 4 pills that will help me go!!! I ask if she's kidding and she produces 4 tiny hot pink pills. I'm up every hour, rushing to unplug Jose (my iv pole) from the wall, and running to the bathroom. Oh joy!

Friday, May 8, 2009. The nurse comes in around 7 am and hesitatingly informs me that my colonoscopy is scheduled for 2 pm. One of the onologists comes in and I ask her results of the MRI. She says the lesion on the pancreas looks like a cyst and I'll have to follow up in 3 months to make sure it's unchanged. She also says that the chances of me having breast and pancreatic cancer would put me in the World Book of Records-it would be that rare. Whew. Around 10 am, I get my first roommate, AnnMarie. 2pm rolls around and I go for my colonoscopy, which they knock you out for. Best sleep I've had in days! They got halfway into the intestines and had to stop because my intestines are twisted. Now, I have to go as an outpatient to finish by them doing a virtual colonoscopy...whatever that may be! The only thing they find are some internal hemherroids. They tell me to eat a high fiber diet, yet according to the oncologist instructions, when you have diarrhea, you shouldn't eat high fiber! Go figure.

Saturday, May 9, 2009. After clearance from the gastro and onco docs I'm ready to go home at 11 am. Yippee. Dave and I do some mothers day shopping and then I'm home resting for the remainder of the day.

Sunday, May 10, 2009. Happy Mother's Day! It was a gorgeous sunny day. Cassie had a soccer game and then we were off to Marianna's Baptism followed by a luncheon at the Chinese Buffet. I felt wonderfully normal and energetic until about 5 pm and then I had the sudden need to go rest. Cassie and I headed home and took some pics of her in her Sweet 16 gear. We uploaded the pics onto Sam's Club website and ordered a poster for her friends to sign.

CHEMO SUCKS and then you start to feel better!

2009-05-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

Okey Dokey...Here goes. It is now Sunday, May 3rd. I feel as though I have lost a couple of days--they're kind of a blur in my mind. I finally feel up to sitting and jotting down some ideas about how the first treatment went.

Wednesday, April 29th: Arrived at oncology office at 9:15--had taken steroids for the past 24 hours to offset any kind of reaction to the Taxotere they would give me later. After doing a blood count (finger stick) and adjusting all the meds they would give according to the blood counts, they brought me in to the chemotherapy area. There are about 8 rooms, each with reclining chairs and regular straight-back chairs (for those poor suckers who don't get the luxury of receiving chemo in a comfy chair). The rooms have anywhere from 1-4 recliners, in case you want to make it a 'party atmosphere' with the other chemo patients :) Dave and I picked a private room for the first time--it even had a t.v.
Barbara, one of the nurses, started the i.v. line--I chose not to get a port, since I will have only 4 treatments. She put on bags of: Pepcid, Benedryl, and another steroid. Each of these dripped separately and then reverted back to the regular sodium cl. drip. Then, around noon they began the Taxotere. With Taxotere, they check on you every 15 minutes. Well, about 30 minutes in, I started having difficulty swallowing--it would take me a good 10 seconds or more to get my throat muscles to figure out how to swallow. I told the nurse and she stopped the drip, consulted with another nurse, and went to get more Benedryl and another steroid, and the doctor. Less than 10 minutes later, I could swallow with no problem at all. So they started the drip again--very slowly this time! It took about 2 1/2 hours for this bag to finish. Thanks to Benedryl, I slept through most of it. Last came the Cytoxen, which only took about an hour to dispense. We left around 4 p.m.!
I felt pretty good the rest of the evening, but got a bit achy around bedtime. No nausea, just a headache. Tylenol worked just fine.

Thursday, April 30, 2009: Woke up, wide awake at 5:30 a.m., not quite sure what to do with myself. I usually don't get up for school until 6:45, so this was weird for me. I guessed it was the effects of the steroids. I decided, as long as I was feeling well, I might as well get things accomplished. So I got ready, took Cassie to school, and went up to my own school--arriving at 7:55! I got 'green sheets' for photocopying next fall's packets that I brought home to keep me occupied. I got paperwork together from the doctor that had to go to human resources--and went to h.r. to drop those off. I went over to do my banking, and then headed to Home Depot to pick up contact paper. Next, I was off to Estelle's to pick up Ali's prom dress and then it was over to Toyota and a free car wash. This was all done before noon. When I got home at noon, I was officially tired. I slept, and then started feeling kinda lousy. My mom took me to go get my Neulasta shot at 3:30, and I spent the rest of the evening laying around drinking tons of water.

Friday, May 1, 2009: Woke up, bright eyed and bushy tailed at 5:30 AGAIN. This time....after a restless night's sleep. I filled up my Bubba Keg and tried to drink water like I did the day before, but my tongue was so sore. There was nothing on it that I could see, but it hurt. I still kept at the water though. My appetite was definitely starting to wane, and I ate sporadically throughout the day, because I knew I had to. I kept drinking water--it was starting to taste weird though. I also noticed that my tongue was white and fuzzy feeling. Felt a bit more nauseaus all day long, than I had the day before. More of a headache and overall achiness too, oh yeah--and some diarreah (wahoo).

Saturday, May 2, 2009: A nightmarish delusional type of day. I woke up feeling a cross between: a hangover, getting in a car accident, having pneumonia, having a stomach virus, and being on a dizzy ride at an amusement park with a whopping headache. I think that about covers it. I called the oncologists office around 10:30, and they told me to take Immodium (which, I must say, is a great drug), and come in Sunday morning for rehydration. Then I tried downing some water, but it tasted like I was drinking oil. I couldn't feel it on my tongue--neither could I feel hot or cold on my tongue. I kept getting cramps in my lower stomach, and I would go from this weird awake state to a not so restful sleep state. The last thing I remember from Saturday night was brushing my teeth and watching them move around in my mouth. I KNEW, it wasn't really happening, but it looked so weird in the mirror--kinda like a bad Ambien trip. I held my nose and downed some water and tylenol, and went to bed. I slept off and on, waking with lower abdominal cramps and achiness.

Sunday, May 3rd, 2009: The hour ticked by so slowly as I waited to head out to the oncologists office to get rehydrated--every muscle hurt--my legs were wobbling as I was walking to the car. Dave stopped and got me a decaf tea and a roll at 7-11, which I sipped and picked at on the way. We got there at 8:30 sharp, and after a blood count (which was fine), they got me hooked up right away. Within a half hour, I konked out into a somewhat comfortable sleep. Two hours later we were done--my legs were stronger, and I felt human again. Unbelievable what a little rehydration can do for you. The nurse practitioner said for my next treatment, to make an appointment 2 days afterward to come in for rehydration so we can avoid this horror show. I will be taking them up on that offer. Once home, I watched the kids and Dave play wii. Then Dave made me a couple of eggs over rice (exactly what I wanted--I have never wanted that before--go figure). I slept for a couple of hours--in a nice deep comfortable sleep and woke up soaking wet, but feeling great. Now it's about 3:30 Sunday afternoon, and I've had all the energy to actually sit up and write this! Definitely feeling better; although a bit tired now--guess I'll go rest.

Oh, yeah...they gave me a prescription for 'miracle mouthwash'. It's supposed to work wonders on the tongue and throat of chemo patients. Looking forward to trying it out :)

Chemo coming up

2009-04-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

This Wednesday, April 29th will be my first chemotherapy treatment. I will be receiving cytoxen and taxotere. Adriamycin would have been thrown into the mix, had it not been for my mitral valve prolapse--adriamycin can cause heart valve problems. Now we wouldn't want that would we? The taxotere will cause my hair to start falling out about two weeks later. I went to a great wig place and have a wig that's the same color as my hair, with less curl. I also got a baseball cap that has hair built into it. It's pretty cute--great for just running out of the house in. I also have some terry cloth turbans that my friend Maureen said are very comfy to sleep with. I'm curious how my hair will come back. Almost everyone I know who lost their hair to chemo had hair come back in curly. Since mine is curly to start with, will it come back straight?

Wednesday also begins my sick leave. My oncologist recommended that I not expose myself to so many germs (elementary schools are notorious for having germs!). So I need to come up with some goals to do around the house while I am out on leave. Granted I may feel cruddy for a few days following each treatment, but I'm planning on feeling good the rest of the time. I figure on a cruddy feeling day, my goal is to get dressed and do one positive thing that day, no matter what!

Grateful

2009-04-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

I've had many thoughts lately about how grateful and truly blessed my life is. Having cancer really makes you take a step back and reflect on what really matters in life. Adding in the car accident that Ali and Cassie were in last week, made me reflective once again.

Ali was driving from the second night of Seussical at the high school to Applebees. She had Cassie in the minivan as well as my neice and two of their friends. While waiting to turn left at a busy intersection, a 4 door sedan type of car traveling towards them hit them, spun them 180 degrees and sent them down the road about 50 feet in the opposite direction from which they were traveling. Of course, because she was in the left turn lane, the police report states that when she attempted the left turn, she collided with his car. I find this interesting, since all the damage is to the front of both cars. If she was into the turn, the side of her car would have been more damaged.

Whatever...the part that matters most is that all of the kids were able to get out of the van unassisted. The person injured most had a broken nose, and can't remember the events just prior to the accident (the doctor feels that there is no permanent damage though). My neice had to have 4 stitches to the center of her tongue--almost as if she tried to get a tongue piercing that went awry. Ali has some range of motion issues with her right shoulder, as well as a left knee bruise and difficulty walking; Cassie has whiplash (neck muscle spasms and vertebra is straighter than the normal curve of the neck) and low and behold--scoliosis--with her L5 break, was she never fully x-rayed- as well as a bruise to her left shin, a burn and bruise across her chest where the seatbelt kept her captive. The last person in the van was uninjured-just some minor aches. They were all brought to the emergency room to be evaluated and were all sent home within 8 hours of the accident. The man driving the other car did not leave in an ambulance, and we hope that he's okay. You have to wonder though--where was he coming from, and was his cell phone in use at the time of the accident?

My last radiation appointment is this Monday, 4/6--YAY. Then I meet with the oncologist on Friday 4/10. I'll update this after I know what upcoming events will be bringing.

Low, but not low enough

2009-03-10T16:09:00.001-07:00

The Oncotype Dx, although placing me in the low category, gives me a 10% chance of the cancer returning. The oncologist put it this way--'If you take 100 women with your same score, 10 of them will get the cancer back. IF you get chemotherapy, it will cut that number to 5 out of the 100 getting the cancer back. He went on to say that the first time you get cancer is the time to do the most you can to get rid of it completely, because if it comes back, it comes back elsewhere in the body and it is more difficult to treat--and impossible to cure completely'.

He explained another method, an alternative to chemo that is used in Europe. It consists of a series of injections--every 4 months, and taking arimidex as well. I think the injections have three different drugs in them--one of them being a drug that causes the body to go into menopause. If I have chemo, he would give me that one injection before starting the arimidex anyway. I have not been able to find information on the treatment he is telling me about--he says he has used it on about 30 of his patients. I'm not sure if the success rate is the same as chemo, nor do I know for how long the studies have been going on for that method.

I know that I don't want to have the cancer return and have to say, "I wish I would have done chemo the first time around". I will do everything I can to rid myself of it now. SOOOOO, I think that I will be opting for chemo--it will begin the end of April if this is the route I choose. It will only be 4 treatments, given every three weeks. I'd be done mid-summer.

My next oncologist appointment is the first week in April. I will have made up my mind completely by then.

Radiation is 14 treatments down another 19 or so to go. I have a nice tan around my left breast, in the form of a rectangle. It's pretty interesting to look at. I went for my simulation for the radiation boost that will be given during the last 7 days of my treatments. It targets the area of surgery and sends extra strong beams to that area alone instead of the whole breast area. On the way from the simulation in the Setauket area, to my radiation appointment in the Patchogue area, I had a very difficult time keeping my eyes open while I was driving. I think maybe the fatigue that everyone talks about may be kicking in.--or maybe it's just the time change and the full moon that joins us tonight.

Dave is out at his sister, Kim's, tonight. He went out there last Tuesday, to keep her company and help her through the difficult time she's having since Gary's passing. He decided that, maybe for a while, he'll make it a weekly tradition. I think it's great that he's out there with her and he should continue to do so until she feels better.

Physical Therapist Gary will be coming into my school next week to do a presentation for the fourth graders on how our bodies have simple machines inside of them. He's bringing out a couple of samples from Stony Brook Med. Ctr. where he teaches--he's going to show how the knee is actually a three-lever system, with the kneecap acting as a fulcrum. This idea had come up a few months ago, and I thought it was put on the back burner, but when we were starting simple machines, I remembered the discussion. Gary had planned it out for his daughter's 4th grade class at her school, as well. It's always great to have kids see how what they learn today actually applies in the real world.

Oncotype Dx Results

2009-03-02T10:42:00.001-08:00

The results showed that I have a low reoccurance rate (from 1-17 is low; I'm a 16). This demonstrates that if I have surgery (already done), radiation, and then take Tamoxifen (or another estrogen/progesterone blocker) for 5 years, I have a low risk of reoccurance. I will see the doctor this coming Wednesday-March 4th to discuss the results more fully and to map out the rest of my treatment plan.

Radiation is going well--although it was canceled today due to the huge snowstorm we're experiencing. We had about 12 inches at 10 am this morning and it's been snowing steadily for the past 2 hours. Snow day--no school--YAY!!! I'm happy to have a day off from radiation as well--my breast was getting pretty sore and I was starting to see a tan line in a square formation around the breast--this is the area they are treating.

This weekend I will be in the city for the The Celebration of Teaching and Learning conference. It's sponsored by channel 13 and the list of speakers includes NY Governor David Paterson and Alan Alda (yes, from MASH). I am looking forward to a weekend of listening and learning. I'll be staying with 2 teachers from another elementary school and there are about 6 other teachers from my district who will be attending.

Radiation

2009-02-19T07:03:00.000-08:00

I had my first radiation treatment this past Tuesday, February 17th. It was nothing more than getting an x-ray, except that a red light,on the wall, flashes and buzzes while the treatment is being given. This happens twice for about 20-30 seconds. Once from the right side, and once from the left side. Everytime the light goes on, I think, "Go get those buggers!" Then the light goes off and the technicians come in and it's over. It's amazing that it could possibly do anything at all.

After the first treatment I felt normal. I went home and dutifully applied the all-natural aloe (alcohol free) that Theresa suggested I get. It seemed ridiculous, because my skin felt normal, but I figured if I wanted to keep it that way, I'd better listen.

After the 2nd treatment, I was a bit tired--could I already be tired from this? The doctors liken it to a long day spent at the beach. After a day in the sun's rays, you feel fatigued. Such is the case with radiation. The radiation kills good and bad 'cancer' cells. The good regenerate in a 24 hours period of time, where the bad do not regenerate. The body needs rest so it can work hard at getting those good cells up and running again.

Last night I felt a bit of a localized ache. It was similar to how I felt about 2 weeks after surgery. Just a heaviness, but no pain.

Atlantic City Weekend

2009-02-16T12:13:00.001-08:00

We had a great weekend in Atlantic City. Joining us were Chris and Kim, Kim and Matt, Rami and Marie, Christina and Andre, Sylvio and Linda, Gary and Pina, and Billy and Joann (new to our group and a lot of fun).

The weekend started out slow, with Dave and I taking 2 1/2 hours just to get off of Long Island! We had left at 4:30 from the high school--left a car for Ali for when she got out of play rehearsal. At 9pm we were at the Tropicana, and by 9:30 we had joined our friends at Carmine's and enjoyed the mega amounts of food that were still left on the table.

We went to the casino after that, and stayed there until about 3:30 in the morning. Dave, Chris, Rami, and Billy sat down at Blackjack and Dave just couldn't go wrong! He would either get a 20 or 21 on each hand--no brainers--no thinking involved. $1000+ later, we went up to bed.

Saturday rolled in and we rolled out of bed around 9ish. Went for a walk on the boardwalk after breakfast and grabbed a sweatshirt at a local shop. We went to the mall pier and were pleased to see that the third floor had a whole beach sand area running along the floor to ceiling windows the whole stretch of the pier. We relaxed a bit and then headed back to find some tylenol for Dave's pounding headache.

Met at the tiki bar in the hotel around 2 and played darts and basketball until we went to Christina and Andre's room for cocktail hours. Dinner that night was at the Palm. Dave and I shared the special--a 5 lb lobster. The best part was when they split the lobster in half and actually took out all the meat for us--how easy can it get???

Dave and I helped donate money back to the Trop on Sunday. Overall, because our rooms and meals were compt. for both nights, I think we came out ahead of the game. It was just nice to get away from everything for a weekend. Now it's back to reality.

Bring it on!

2009-02-16T12:08:00.000-08:00

Radiation begins tomorrow at 2:15 pm. It may sound weird, but I'm looking forward to starting this 6 1/2 week course of treatment. I feel as though nothing has been happening to get me better and I have to keep reminding myself that surgery itself was the beginning of my treatment.

Still, I wonder exactly how radiation will affect me. I know it's just supposed to be fatigue and some skin irritation--they don't really tell you how much fatigue, and how much skin irritation. According to my sister-in-law Theresa, radiation was a breeze compared to chemo. I hope that's true--although, if I end up needing chemo, I may not be too happy. I'll sign back on tomorrow and log in how the first treatment went.

Radiation Simulation

2009-02-05T14:36:00.000-08:00

Today I went for my radiation simulation. It was painless except for a little pinprick feeling (and burning) when they tatooed a little dot on my chest and on my side under my arm. The technician, Sean, said that actual tattoos hurt less than those little dots. Not sure I want to find out.

The toughest part was staying still with my left arm curved up and out to my left side and placed in a stirrup, for about 45 minutes. Even though my head was placed on top of a wedge, my neck started to ache and my head felt a bit tingly. Not too comfy.

Both doctor and tech used a sharpie marker and drew little dots on various places around my breast. Then a bunch of x-rays from many angles took place, each time either the tech or the doc would come back in and look at a screen and look at the map projected onto my skin. Next, I got a plaster strip placed over my breast until it hardened (not sure what they do with this--maybe use it to make sure everything is lined up just right before the treatments?). Last, these little strips were placed above and below my breast with a wire taped around the incision area and two plastic round dots taped to the center of my chest and the side under the arm area where the tattoos were. I had to then go to get a CT Scan to further assist in the mapping out of my radiation treatment program.

My first treatment will be on Tuesday, February 17th and will continue, Monday-Friday, until Monday, April 6th. Hopefully, that will be it... I'll find out about chemo on March 4th based upon the Oncotype Dx test.

Oncologist Visit

2009-01-28T13:45:00.000-08:00

I had anticipated three outcome choices and I was almost right. I figured today's visit would decide: 1. I would definitely need chemo OR 2. I would definitely not need chemo OR 3. I MIGHT need chemo and they would base it on a test of my excised tumor tissue sample (called Oncotype Dx test). Dr. DaCosta said that I could opt for any of those three choices today--depending on my wishes I could say Yes, No or Maybe-depending on the Oncotype DX test outcome--and he would start the ball rolling in any of those directions.

After he said that I could start radiation first while waiting for the results of the Oncotype Dx Test (takes about 3 weeks), I knew that was the way to go. Tomorrow, I will be setting an appointment with the radiation oncologist, Dr. Cirrone (already met with him in December). During this visit they will place tiny tattoos over certain areas where the beam will be aimed, and then they map out the area, and then possibly send me for pics to see if everything is correct. After all that, I will be scheduling appointments with them, 5 days a week, about 15 minutes each day, for a total of about 6 1/2 weeks. I should be about halfway through treatment when the results of the oncotype test come in.

At least something is starting soon!!!

The Rock

2009-01-17T07:55:00.000-08:00

Everyone needs that person in their life who puts things in perspective and sometimes has to put you on the path of clear thinking again. That person in my life is my husband, David. David is my rock. He supports me by listening carefully and reminding me to take it 'one day at a time', to live in the present, not the future of 'what if'.

Sometimes it's easier said than done especially when one is faced with a pretty serious medical condition such as breast cancer. The waiting game is extremely difficult--the waiting for pathology reports to come back, the waiting for the next doctor visit to find out results, or what treatments to expect, the waiting while testing is being done and researched to find out what that best mode of treatment will be. The waiting is the hardest part and sometimes my mind gets so focused on all the different possibile outcomes, it's hard to think straight and to be happy 'in the moment'.

Being an avid reader, I have been doing my research about all different breast cancer options and it has blown my mind that the 'simple' term of breast cancer can mean such a variety of different things. It depends on the size and location of the actual tumor as well as the cell growth rate, whether or not it has escaped the breast into the lymph nodes, the type of receptors the cancer has--estrogen, progesterone, Her2, etc...and of course with all of these different types, comes different treatment options. I happen to be one of those people who falls on the cusp of the chemo/no chemo line. The reason for this is that my tumor was small (only 8mm/ .8cm) and there was no lymph node involvement. This would normally point to a treatment that would include:

* a lumpectomy (already had--took out 7cm x 3 cm x 1.75 cm--and the margins were not clean--went back, not sure how much more they took out, but this time got clean margins)
* radiation to the area.
* Tamoxifen (or something similar) to stop the estrogen from forming in my body, since my cancer is Estrogen/Progesterone Receptor Positive (my cancer likes estrogen and progesterone)

Now the part that is tricky here is that the tumor was on top of the muscle of my chest wall and they found an 'in situ' cancer (waiting to happen), closer to the skin surface (hence the reason they did not get clean margins the first time even taking out all that tissue). After a second surgery and removing some muscle, and inside the skin surface, they got clean tissue margins.

Since the cancer was in two different places, does this now mean I should have chemo? Also, since it was so close to the chest wall that separates the breast tissue from the heart, is it now more dangerous to do radiation, even though they can bend the beam to try to avoid healthy tissue? These are the things that invade my thoughts, and I wish I could just let go of them until the surgeon visit on the 21st and the oncologist visit on the 28th.

This is where Dave comes in and reminds me there is nothing I can do about any of this until we see the doctor. Why not enjoy this time? So, just for today, I will enjoy every minute of not knowing the future. I may have to take it minute by minute, second by second even, but I'll get through the day happier by doing so. I need to turn those negative thoughts into positive ones and focus on the good things life brings.

Clean Margins...YAY!

2009-01-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

Margins from the 1/9 surgery were clean! Yippee!!! Now it's off for a follow up surgeon's visit on the 21st and then to the oncologist on the 28th (decide whether chemo would be beneficial, or if I can just have radiation). The waiting game begins again...

2nd surgery

2009-01-09T12:58:00.000-08:00

After seeing Dr. Borden and going over the pathology, I went in for a second surgery today. He removed more tissue on the top and bottom margins of the 7cm he took out last time. Those two places did not have clean margins. The surgery was a lot shorter, only an hour. and I was home, feeling really well, at noon. Now, I'm sore, took some percocet an hour ago and am ready for a nap.

I will find out results some time next week and will follow up with the surgeon on January 21st. Then, I have an appt. with an oncologist on January 28th. This time we'll be talking about chemotherapy as an option of treatment. UGH.

Couple of scenarios:
IF...
Margins are all clear then consult with oncologist about chemo to see if it would benefit me.

IF...Margins are not clear, EITHER more tissue removal (may not be possible) OR a full mastectomy and consult with oncologist.

I'm bracing myself for either scenario and reading everything I can get my hands on in the meantime.

The best thing I did was to get an AFLAC cancer policy last JUNE. I did this after watching my sister-in-law Theresa go through her treatments and medication costs. Our district offered it and I jumped on it. I got all the paperwork together to get the ball rolling with them.

My brother-in-law Gary got some awful news about his cancer. He's at Sloans satellite site at Mercy Hospital for about a week now. They gave him a time frame of how long he has left on this earth. I'm at a loss for words--how terrible for him and Kim--I feel helpless.

Pathology

2008-12-27T07:01:00.000-08:00

The margins were clean (cancer free) except for one area that was right up against the muscle covering my chest wall. So now the doctor has to talk with the radiation oncologist to find out if they want him to take more tissue or if they can radiate the area without much damage to my heart (which is right below that muscle and chest wall). I'll know more at my follow-up appointment the first week of January. The lymph nodes were clear of cancer.

I must say the incisions are not as bad as I thought. The only pain I feel is where the nodes were taken out. That one burns from time to time (kinda like when you get a paper cut, and you keep irritating it), especially when something touches it (like my arm).

I'm still pretty tired. I guess with Christmas Eve and Christmas, I didn't rest much. So, yesterday, around 2:30 in the afternoon, I sat on the couch to watch 'The Parent Trap' and fell asleep until 5 o'clock! Then, I went to bed around midnight and didn't wake up until 9 am. I guess I needed some sleep, huh?

Theresa tells me that I should take it easy and that the surgery was a pretty invasive one, even though I feel well. I guess I should listen to my body and rest when I need to.

YAY

2008-12-23T06:38:00.000-08:00

So the surgery went successfully--we hope. The doctor feels he got clean margins around the cancer. The sentinel node was free of any blatant cancer cells and the other node taken looked like fatty tissue surrounding it. I'll get the full pathology report by next Monday.

The strangest part of surgery was going in for the needle marker. First they took two mammography pics, then once they found the tumor, they inserted some lidocaine (short little pinch and burn--not too bad). Then the needle was inserted and another picture taken, then the needle got pushed in further, and another picture taken. Well, I was expecting a guide wire type of needle, but when I looked down, there was this needle that looked like the one you would use for quilting sticking out! The strangest part was that it did not hurt one bit (gotta love lidocaine!). Then they injected the radioactive dye (didn't hurt either). When I got into the surgical suite, my doctor let me see the wand they use to detect the lymph nodes, and the beeping sound (like a geiger counter) that goes along with it. It was pretty cool. Next thing I knew, I was waking up in the recovery area.

I was very happy with the anesthesiogist who said he would give me everything he could so I would not throw up, but he couldn't make any promises. Well, whatever he did worked. It was the first time out of about 8 surgical procedures that I did not throw up (we're talking projectile, here) for hours afterward. We got home around 3 and I went to bed and dozed.

Originally I felt I would not be up for visitors, expecially with my prior vomiting experiences, but since I was feeling rather well, I figured why not? Around 6, my friends Marie and Maureen came over. Marie got me some gorgeous purple flowers and Maureen, having just been through this herself brought over some button down pajamas and penne ala vodka sauce. Diana stopped by with some chicken soup and beef stew and bread from King Kullen (I miss that store being right around the corner--they have the best italian bread).

About 11 o'clock pm, I felt raring to go! I had so much energy suddenly. I downed some Percocet and went to bed clutching my little pillow given to me by the breast center at Mather. They gave me a whole tote bag full of books, a survivor pin, a sony walkman and a relaxation cd, and this pillow that was hand stitched by a women's support group in California. For having to go through such an unpleasant experience, they sure have great people working there to make it more comfortable.

Surgery

2008-12-21T19:19:00.000-08:00

With my potassium back in normal range (over 4 is good), I am heading into surgery in the morning. I'm hoping that my lymph nodes do not have cancer in them--I am, however, prepared for the news if they do have cancer. It just means I will definitely have to have chemotherapy, instead of a maybe for chemo. I'll do whatever I need to do that gives me the best chances of survival.

The worst part of surgery for me has always been the anaesthesia. I vomit (projectile!) for a few hours afterward. This part I am truly not looking forward to! When I expressed this to the pre-op nurse, she said they can give me something to help prior to surgery. I just have to remember to tell them about this issue.

If I'm up to it tomorrow night, I'll put a new post up. If not-I'll be sure to update it on Tuesday.

Thank you to all who have prayed (and continue to pray) for me.

Potassium Issues

2008-12-16T14:03:00.000-08:00

I went for my pre-op testing and over to see my surgeon because I felt a lump on my right breast and was a bit paranoid. The lump turned out to be fatty tissue--he used a sonogram machine to check it out.

I also asked him, if the lymph nodes are positive for cancer, can he put the port in for chemo at the time of surgery (a suggestion from my sister-in-law). Although he has never done this before, he thinks it's quite a good idea and is letting the ER know that he may need an extra half hours time. Again, this depends on the lymph nodes. IF they are negative at the time of surgery, then no port will be placed until after I find out the complete results (if there is microscopic cancer cells in the nodes) It takes about 3 days after surgery to find out the results.

My bloodwork from pre-op came back low on potassium--this is typical of me. It's always at 3.2--they like it to be 3.6 or higher. So I need to double up my potassium intake (from 20MEQ to 40MEQ) over the next couple of days and then have a repeat blood test on Thursday afternoon. Since I take HCTZ (hydroclorothiazide) it depletes my potassim. Without the HCTZ, my hands, feet, and ankles swell. UGH.

Passing

2008-12-16T13:59:00.000-08:00

One of the prominent shapers of my life was the director of my high school shows, Bert Pollock. He taught us all about how to be the best we could possibly be, to do the best with the tiniest role possible (and that every role was important), and to enjoy every minute up there on the stage. Bert passed away this past weekend, and although saddened by this news, I know he's smiling down on all of those who had the pleasure of knowing him. He's hanging out on that great Broadway in the sky now.

2008-12-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

Here's another:

Performance

2008-12-07T09:12:00.000-08:00

Let's see if I did this correctly :)

P-M IDOL WINNER

2008-12-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

My daughter, Ali, competed in P-M IDOL at her high school last night. The competition began with 18 students singing a piece of their choice. The 4 judges voted and narrowed it down to 10 contestants-Ali was one of them. The contestants then sang a pop song. Then the judges selected the top 5-Ali was still in. It was time for a broadway piece and the judges picked the top 2--Ali and another student named Matt. They both had to sing the same song--from American Idol--and the judges decided that Ali was the winner of the 2008 Pat-Med High School Idol competition. We were all so happy for her.

If you'd like to check out a few of her pieces from last night, you can find them at youtube. Once on youtube, search P-M IDOL WINNER and you'll get a selection of singers-find Ali's and enjoy!

OR, you can check them out right here! I was able to figure out how to upload two of her songs to my blog. I am finally catching up with technology!

Surgery date

2008-12-04T14:16:00.000-08:00

I have scheduled my surgery for December 22nd (lumpectomy and node dissection). The surgeon's office was ready to give me Dec. 12th, but that would mean taking off 6 days from work right before being off for 2 weeks for Christmas break. So I asked if the 22nd would be okay--it's the first Monday of our 2 week break. I may feel pretty yucky for Christmas, but I'll do my best to feel okay and enjoy friends and family over the holidays.

I went for a second opinion yesterday. The doctor reviewed all my pics and reports and said the same exact thing that my doctor said. I guess this is good--everyone on the same page gives me a bit more comfort in scheduling the surgery.

I'll see the radiation oncologist this Monday to talk about whether or not I am a candidate for the mammocyte procedure. I've heard two opposing views of this procedure--one is that it is put in place at the time of surgery--another is that it is put in at a separate time from the surgery. I'll find out more on Monday.

Also, chemo depends on a number of factors--1. if the cancer is in my lymph nodes, 2. if microscopic cancer is found in my lymph nodes, 3. if it is not in my nodes and the Oncotype DX test results say that I would benefit from it.

I'm becoming quite well-versed in all this cancer-speak. It's also great to be able to get ideas from my sister-in-law Theresa and my friend Christina, who have both been through it and are doing quite well now. My friend Maureen is going through all of this now--she just had her surgery this past Tuesday and she found out her cancer is in her lymph nodes. I think I'm more upset about her news, than if it was my own. My brother in law Gary will be going to Sloan Kettering for another opinion. My sister in law Kim sent all of his reports and films and they agreed to see him. Before she sent the info, they were not willing to see him. Thank God they had a change of heart.

I am a new Facebook user, if you want to find me on there, look for Syndee Zegel. It's amazing how many people I have found on that site!

Thankful

2008-11-27T07:47:00.001-08:00

Nothing like cancer to get you thinking about all the things you're thankful for. I'm truly thankful for so many people and things in my life. My family and friends are such exceptional people and I've found out recently how much they really care about me. I guess normally, I go around just knowing they're always there if I need anything, but in my current circumstance, I am so grateful at their outpouring of love and support. Whether right around the corner, towns away or across the country, I know they're praying for me and they're ready to help with whatever comes my way. I am truly blessed!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Update

2008-11-27T07:41:00.000-08:00

I am meeting with a radiation oncologist on December 8th. He will decide whether or not I am eligible for a radiation treatment called a mammocyte. Mostly it is used in women over 50. However, it is not unheard of to use it in someone younger. This type of radiation is a balloon that gets inserted into the cavity of where the lump is removed. It then releases the radiation over a number of days and then radiation is complete. It sounds like a much better alternative than traditional radiation which takes place an hour a day, 5 days a week, over a course of about 6 weeks.

The biopsy was inconclusive, so now I have to wait for the lumpectomy when they pull the sentinel node, to find out if there is cancer in the nodes. If so, then I need chemo. If not, I won't. Let's hope for NOT.

Good news--my cancer is estrogen and progesterone positive. This means that they will know how to treat it. Probably with a 5 year dose of Tamoxifen, which pulls out the estrogen in the body. UGH--instant menopause--can't wait (can you hear the sarcasm). I guess if it gives me the best chance of survival, that's the way to go.

Cancer info

2008-11-25T19:40:00.001-08:00

Dave and I met with the breast surgeon, Dr. Borden, today. He went over all of the details that he had gotten thus far, in layman's terms. He also did the biopsy of my lymph node--measured it first with ultrasound--it was 1.5 cm. We'll get those results the beginning of next week. Usually it only takes two days, but because of Thanksgiving, it will take longer.

There are a few scenarios:

Scenario 1: If the cancer is just in the breast, they will do a lumpectomy and pull the sentinal node at the same time. The node will be tested for cancer. If negative for cancer, I will begin just radiation.

Scenario 2: If the cancer is in the nodes as well, then they will do the lumpectomy, pull the sentinal node as well as other nodes in the area to see how far the cancer has spread. Then I will have chemo and radiation and will be sent for a PET CT to see if the cancer is anywhere else.

IF I am a candidate, I could get a new type of radiation where they set a balloon in place of where they take out the tumor. It is connected to a catheter and releases the radiation gradually over a period of 12 days and then radiation is done. This sounds preferable to having to go 5 days a week, an hour a day for weeks at a time. HOWEVER, they usually do this procedure on people over age 50. Dr. Borden will be speaking with the radiologist, Dr. Silverstein, to see if I can qualify at age 42. We'll see.

I have to decide between a lumpectomy and mastectomy before my surgery. Neither gives me a better chance of survival, so I figure I'll go for the lumpectomy...I could always have a mastectomy later on if needed.

We're still waiting on the results of the cancer being estrogen or progesterone receptive, or Her2, or something called TRi___. It is an invasive ductal carcinoma, stage 1 if no lymph nodes are involved, stage 2 if lymph nodes are involved, stage 3 if lymph nodes are involved and it has spread elsewhere...don't even want to talk about stage 4. So far I'm happy with stage 1, but I'll know more next week.

I've got lots of literature to read, and some tylenol to take for that lymph node biopsy. This should keep my mind occupied for a while.

Also, my brother-in-law, Gary had some really horrible news. His cancer has not gotten better and the doctors say there is nothing else they can do. I pray that they find something to take his pain away. It's just awful how much pain he's in.

PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! I'll be doing the same.

What a Week

2008-11-22T06:27:00.000-08:00

By Tuesday, November 18th, I still had not gotten any further with the doctors' offices, nore the insurance company. So I called the healthcare advocate that our union had bought into last year. Within an hour they had me on the phone with a breast surgeon's office at Mather Hospital's Fortunato Breast Care Center. In minutes of speaking with them, I had an appointment for Wednesday morning at 10:15. Called the substitute service for another 1/2 day off and called the first two parents on my conference list just in case my appointment ran late.

Dr. Borden took a good amount of time going over all my films, explaining each one as he went along. He then did a clinical exam and couldn't find the lump that way, but he did find a swollen lymph node under my left arm. Then, he used his ultrasound to find the lump in my breast. He marked it on the pictures he took. Then, he said that while I went back to work, he would bring all my films over to the Fortunato Breast Care Center to have the radiologist there look over everything.

An hour after leaving his office, he called. Of course, I missed the call because my phone was in my pocketbook, and with everything I've been through with phone calls and doctors, I did not expect a call that soon. I called back and his service put me right through to him. Dr. Borden told me that I had to call Fortunato for an appointment the next day. They were going to do a stereotactic biopsy.

Fortuato gave me an appointment the following morning at 9am. They explained the sterotactic biopsy, too. While laying face down, They would compress my left breast, and take some mammographic type pictures. Then, once the nodule was found, they would begin to insert the needle--numbing me as the needle goes in.

The nurses-Colleen and Lorraine, and radiologist-Dr. Michelle Price, were all wonderful. They talked me through each step of what they were doing and told me that if I felt anything at all to tell them and they would administer more lidocaine. The last minute of the test I was a bit uncomfortable but it was over soon enough. The worst part was laying there belly down with my face to the side. My neck was in agony after--and I have to wait until Monday before I have therapy again.

Friday at 1:10, I received a phone call from Fortunato letting me know that the pathology came back positive for cancer. I was, surpisingly, fine. I think that I was expecting this anyway. I was told to set up an appointment with Dr. Borden (who was in surgery) which I did for Tuesday, Nov. 25th at 1:45. Dr. Borden called me back at 2:45 to give me some more details. Bad news: the cancer is invasive (Cassie looked this up--it means that it has already spread into the surrounding tissue). Good news: it's only .6cm in size, and it's borders are differentiated (whatever that means)--which suggests to the doctor that it's estrogen positive (easily treatable). I'll know more on Tuesday when he goes over the full pathology report. He will also be doing a biopsy on that swollen lymph node under my arm.

So, overall, I'm feeling okay. I keep waiting to 'lose it'. The only time I get upset is when I tell other people and they get upset. But, crying is good sometimes as well.

Say some prayers please.

Venting

2008-11-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

While waiting for my echocardiogram appointment (for an hour and a half), I decided what better time to make phone calls to Stony Brook. I get switched over to 3 different people only to find that the person I need to book the MRI guided biopsy with, is not available until Tuesday. I then call Colleen who gives me the number of the head RN at the Breast Center. She tells me they'd probably have me come in as a new patient to be evaluated with all the films and reports I currently have. She suggests I go back to Medical Arts Women's Imaging for the procedure. Then, if the biopsy comes back suspicious, I can bring everything with me to Stony Brook and meet with the breast surgeon.

I call Medical Arts. They give me an appointment for this Thursday, Nov. 20th. They just need the script from the doctor and an approval from my insurance company. I call my primary care physician and tell the receptionist what I need. They call me back and leave a message on my cell phone. While that's happening, I am getting my echocardiogram--the tech actually checked two other places that have never been checked before--one was the carotid artery and the other was the place where your ribcage comes together.

I call the primary back. They say that they can't order the mri guided biopsy, so they can't call for authorization. The doc just wants me to get evaluated over at Stony Brook. UGH. I call back Medical Arts, crying. They tell me that I should call my insurance company directly and the fact that it says 'bi-rads 4 suspicious abnormality' I should have no problem getting authorization. She asks me to try to calm down and to call back if I need further assistance. I cry all the way home now wondering what bi-rads 4 means.

I get home...still crying...now I can't even dial the phone because I don't know what my voice will sound like when someone answers. After calming down and explaining why I'm crying to a sympathetic Cassie, I call the insurance company. I get disconnected 3 times. On the 4h try, I speak with someone who wants the insurance code for the procedure and the referring doctor. I tell her I don't know the code and my ob/gyn, who should be the referring doctor, is out of town until November 24th...I start crying again. She tells me to call Medical Arts Imaging and get the code from them. I call and get put on hold while they try to locate the person who I was speaking with earlier. Ali texts me to pick her up and I, frustrated, hang up the phone and drive, while sobbing at times, to get her.

At this point I am beyond done. I think to myself, maybe I need to take one step back before I can move forward. While waiting for Ali to come to the car, I put in a call to Stony Brook and leave a message. Ali looks at me and I start crying again. She volunteers to drive and I'm more than happy to hand over the keys.

When I get home, I'm calm enough to call Dave. He says, "Why don't you call the ob/gyn's service and see what they have to say." I think, why didn't I think of this in the first place? I call and give as little explanation as I can to the girl on the other end. I tell her I need an script from Dr. Loy to get the procedure done, as well as an authorization number from Empire. I give her my numbers to call if there is a problem and tell her the date and place of the procedure to give to Annette when she comes in on Monday (the office staff is there checking messages everyday).

Stony Brook calls and I tell her my plan of action. I have decided that, if there is a problem with getting the script and/or the authorization, I will be getting all of my tests and results (I have all except the rest of the MRI pics) up until this point and I will make an appointment as a new patient at Stony Brook. She said, ideally, I would have the biopsy report before coming in, but this could work too.

THIS SHOULDN'T BE THIS DIFFICULT!

Results of MRI

2008-11-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

When I spoke to the gyn office today, they told me that the doctor would not be in until November 24th--and they could not give me the results! I, thinking quickly and smartly (not quite sure how this happened--usually I think about many things after the fact) said, "Can you send the results to my primary care physician and they can then give me the results?" They said, "Yes". So I called over to Dr. Shah's office to get the fax number. Called gyn office next and gave them the fax number. Gyn office says, "Call Dr. Shah and give them a heads up that we're sending this and why we're sending it". I do so and an hour later, Dr. Shah's office calls and wants me to come in so they can go over the results with me. A wee bitty alarm goes off in my head--why can't they give me these results over the phone like they've done with so many others? I made the appointment for 5:15 this evening.

The results read: There is an enhancing nodule seen in the medial aspect of the left breast at approximately the 9 o'clock position measuring a centimeter in size and appears to correspond to the mammographic density. The remainder of the right and left breast show no other areas of enhancement. The kinetic features of this mass are plateauing. It has some minimal irregularities of its borders. Therefore we recommend an mri guided biopsy. Then it says 'Bi-Rads 4--suspicious abnormality'...biopsy is recommended.

SOOOOO...the doctor recommended I go to a breast care center for these additional tests. She said that way, if there was anything going on, I could continue with the surgeon who does the biopsy. I called Cassie's best friend, Nicole's, mom Colleen, who works at Stony Brook University and has some connections at the Carol Baldwin breast center there. My doctor had also given me two names of surgeons there and Colleen confirmed both of them. I'll be calling first thing tomorrow morning.

The hurry up and wait continues...

MRI

2008-11-11T13:36:00.000-08:00

The bilateral breast mri was a blast. The table was actually quite comfortable--I thought it would be one of those cold, metal ones(shoulda known better--metal in an mri place is quite unlikely), but it was plastic and cushioned with some sort of memory foam.

After getting the iv, I had to somehow keep my left arm straight while sliding down over the two holes provided for each breast. The table is built up with foam covered plastic parts on the head side end and is actually quite comfortable. I was worried about neck pain from being in an awkward position, but after laying there for 25 minutes, I think I'd like to have my bed fashioned similarly--it has the spot like at the p.t. where your head faces down (like a massage table).

I do have to say that it was the loudest MRI I've ever had--even with earphones and a radio station. Also, I knew exactly when they did the iv push for the contrast. I had the sensation of cold in my arm, then a funny taste in my mouth, along with my lips tingling, and a strange smell which kind of reminded me of having sweet air. It made me panic a bit, thinking I was having a reaction, but I stayed calm and made sure I could swallow and breathe.

At the end of the exam, they gave me just two sheets of films to take with me--they said something about them being the 'bips'--these films show the abnormalities of my breast tissue. From what I can see, there are some definite parts that show up brightly in the areas indicated on the mammo and sono reports, but I have no idea whether those parts are good or bad. My sister-in-law Theresa made sure I got the mammo and sono pics and reports as well as these current films. She and Diana were great to have around today. I think having them there kept me calm.

Leaving the place, I began to put all my jewelry back on in the car. Of course, as I am unscrewing the back of my earring, the diamond stud drops in between my seat and the center console. I could see it right inbetween my mri envelope and the seat. So I tried to pull up the mri envelope, but the earring dropped down to the floor. UGH...after searching and searching, with a flashlight, neither Diana, Theresa, nor I could find it. It can't have gone far, but it's proving impossible to find. Crazy. Especially since I had lost this same earring and found it only two months ago. The back had fallen off and I ordered two new backs which cost $35 just for the backs! That's platinum for you. I have no doubt it will be found eventually.

Diana treated us to lunch at Panera Bread and then we wandered around Costco for a while. Of course we couldn't get out of there without spending money. I am now the proud owner of a large roll of Christmas wrapping paper, six cans of Amy's soups, and many other items.

Phone Tag Accomplishment

2008-11-08T12:12:00.000-08:00

Last Monday, November 3rd, I called the gyn office to make sure they got the message I had left about having an approval for the mri. Of course, they did not. The gyn office told me I have to make the appointment first, then they can call to get the approval. After making the appointment - and being persuasive because they didn't want to give the appointment without the approval (don't you love the run around?) and went so far as to tell me that if they didn't have the approval by this Friday, they would automatically cancel my appointment - I called the gyn office back and by that time Empire was closed for the day (4:00). They gyn office said they'd call as soon as they got in Tuesday morning. Now, I know with my knee, shoulder and neck mri's it took a good 5 days to get approval, so at this point, I begin to panic and call the healthcare advocate. She tells me to give her a call if they have trouble getting the approval the next day.

Well, Annette from the gyn office calls me Tuesday around 1 and tells me I'm all set-she got everything I needed and sent it over to the mri place. She got the approval in 15 minutes! GO figure. I think this is God's way of telling me not to worry unnecessarily.

My sister in law, Theresa, volunteered along with her sister in law, Diana, to go with me to my mri appointment this Tuesday. I said we could make a day of it and have a nice lunch afterward. I think having Theresa there is so great because she is good at asking the right questions...the ones I usually think about after I leave the doctor's office! With her there, I know I will be waiting for all my pictures and reports before I go home too (something I neglected to do the last time I went). At least this mri place is affiliated with the first one I went to, so it shouldn't be a problem for them to print out everything I need.

Sweet 16 coming this May

2008-11-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

Dave's dad booked the banquet room of the firehouse for Cassie's Sweet 16. She'll be having it on Saturday, May 16th. She's leaning towards a beach theme, but she'll make her decision tonight with the input of a couple of her close friends. My friend, Kim (Ali's friend Steff's mom) is an amazing artist/construction person. She said she'll help me create items for the party, such as a life-sized cut out face lifeguard stand and beach scene for students to take pictures with their faces poking through, and some great table centerpieces, and she just found a castle cake recipe--although for that, I'll probably ask our friend Robin who is a fabulous baker.

Now it's a matter of creating a guest list. It's always difficult trying to figure out who to invite. Family who live close by are easy enough, but I always feel bad inviting far away (an hour or more) family, wondering if they think they're invited them just for a gift...but then again, I'd feel badly if I didn't invite them and they found out, from another family member that there was a party, and they weren't invited. So, my theory is to invite everyone, near and far so that no one's feelings are hurt.

Trying to keep the costs down should be interesting.

Rock Band Party

2008-11-01T11:10:00.001-07:00

Ali and Cassie are having a bunch of friends over for a Rock Band Party tonight. It should be a loud, wild, but fun time. We've got chips and dips and some brownies ready and waiting for them. What will Dave and I be doing? I guess trying to stay out of their way, for the most part. One of these days we're going to have an adult-only Rock Band party and invite our friends over and keep the kids up with our loud noises :)...until then, I'm not planning on sleeping too much tonight--I'll post some pics of their party tomorrow.

Asymmetrical Something or Other

2008-10-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

The mammogram that I had a couple of weeks ago led to my gyn calling, less than 4 hours after I left the test, and leaving a generic message that he had received my report. After playing phone tag with his office, I gave up for Tuesday. Wednesday morning, the mammo place left a message saying they needed more pics. Thursday, I finally heard back, after some phone tag, from the gyn who said they saw something and need a better view of it.

SO on the 22nd, I went back to the imaging place and had two more pics (mammography style-this time with the machine going sideways at a 90 degree angle). Then the radiologist viewed them and ordered an ultrasound. After the ultrasound, he ordered one more picture (more squeezing) and then I got to get dressed.

The radiologist called me in and I got to see a giant sized picture of my mammogram on a huge flat screen monitor--my boobs have never looked so big! He showed me the area of concern--If you're looking at me the spot would be at about 8 or 9 o-clock as you face my left breast (which would be on your right). Sooo, the radiologist said it was probably nothing, but he was recommending that I get an MRI for more information.

Back to phone tag. I called my gyn office on Thursday and asked them to have the doctor call me on my cell. He, of course, calls my house when I'm not home and leaves another generic message. Friday, he's not in, Monday, he's in emergency surgery, finally I talk to him on Tuesday. He tells me he'll fax the prescription over to the imaging center.

When I call the imaging center on Wednesday, they tell me that my insurance company has to approve the procedure, and I have to wait to make the appointment for that and for another interesting reason. I have to wait until I get my period, then call, and make the appointment from 5 to 14 days after my period starts. Luckily, I shouldn't have to wait too long...it's due on Monday. Hopefully, by that time, I'll have the approval as well...as long as the gyn got the message I left the office about how I need an approval.

I think it's time to contact our health care advocate!

Slide to the right...

2008-10-25T09:30:00.001-07:00

YAY. After spending a good part of my morning on picasaweb (about 2 hours-I feel a bit technologically pathetic), I finally figured out how to upload pictures to the site and then save them to my blog. The slideshow to the right is just of Wildwood 2008. If you'd like to see other photos, they'll be arriving shortly at http://picasaweb.google.com/syndeesphotos

Cold Weather

2008-10-25T07:10:00.000-07:00

Ali tried to turn on the heat yesterday when she got home from school. I say 'tried' because shortly after turning it on, it began filling the house with a smelly, smokey haze which lingered until I got home at 4:30. I guess I'll have to call our fuel oil company--we know it's only a matter of time before the furnace has to be replaced. It hasn't run efficiently in a long time, often not turning on at all, or staying lit once it's on. Our hesitance is that, at the same time, we'll have to get a new above-ground oil tank. Our current one is buried underground and those are just not allowed anymore. Where oh where to put this monstrosity in our backyard?

I long for the days of summer!

New Favorite Song--Jason Mraz

2008-10-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ki61e3zFPks

Copy and paste into your browser to see and hear my latest favorite song-"I'm Yours"-it has such a nice little beat and it's one of those songs that bring me to that 'happy place'--makes me feel good all over...like when you were a child and had no worries.

Enjoy!

Homecoming 2008-2009

2008-10-18T15:10:00.000-07:00

After a long week of chaperoning float sites, Dave and I are beat. This morning I tried to help staple on last minute flowers (some were lost in transport) I came to the realization that I am having trouble squeezing the stapler. Granted it's one of those commercial-type staplers that is used for flooring, but after unsuccessfully trying to staple two flowers, feeling frustrated, I gave up. The parade was great, as were all the grade level skits and the football game--Pat-Med won 10-6!

Here are some float pictures, starting with the freshman class and also a picture of the homecoming court--Ali was nominated as a princess with 3 other Juniors.

2008-10-16T19:19:00.001-07:00

Free Counter

Columbus Day out on the North Fork

2008-10-14T07:32:00.001-07:00

Above are some pictures of our day out east. The first one has Lesley, Cassie, Ali and Ivy, the second has my mom, Carolann, Blanca in back and Ivy and Lesley in front, the third is (l-r) Ivy, Carolann, Ali, Me, Blanca, Cassie, my mom, and Lesley.

Lesley's mom is my first cousin, and godmother, Blanca and Ivy is the daughter of Blanca's closest friend from way back when, Carolann. When I was younger, Carolann and Blanca used to sing every time I was around. They're about 15 years older than I am and, being an impressionable toddler. I adored them--still do. Blanca lives in Truckee, CA and Carolann is still out here on Long Island (Brooklyn, I think). My cousin, Lesley is on a 10 day break from her Masters' Program in Philadelphia, so Blanca flew out here for a visit and came up to NY for a while. She's staying at her longtime friend, Jimmy's, house in Flanders and apartment in Manhattan. Jimmy is on a cruise in Europe somewhere.

Yesterday, I picked Carolann and Ivy up at Ronkonkoma train station and we drove east with my mom, Cassie, and Ali, to go meet Blanca. We met at Briermere Farms and got some delicious pumpkin squares and apple tarts, and raspberry cream pie to share while sitting on the big rocks (which used to look massive when the kids were little). From there, we headed further east to Pindar and tested out 5 different wines. Heading back west, we stopped at another farm stand for some roasted corn (right in the husks--sweet and crisp and scrumptious). We stopped, then, at Jimmy's so Blanca could get some laundry to do at our house, and picked up Lesley's senior project video.

Arriving back home, we threw on some food and put out an impromptu spread while we watched Lesley's video. It was about mothers and daughters and letting go. Boy, it hit home for me! She had to do research, and create a dance piece with dialogue that showed off what she had learned. It was beautiful, and the songs she selected for the dance routines were appropriately heartwarming. Of course, I needed tissues!

Time with family is never enough time!

Nighttime PT

2008-10-14T07:02:00.000-07:00

If you need a great physical therapy office--see above. The two physical therapists on there are Gary and his wife, Melissa. It's been said that she has killer thumbs.

Last night, I went to physical therapy. It was strange going at night...usually I go at 7am, before work. But now that Gary has gone off to BNL, he only has Monday and Wednesday nights at his own place. Grappling with this, I thought about switching to another of his pt's but it's so difficult starting over with someone who doesn't know what's been working for you--different techniques--etc...

Gary had a rough evening last night...after working his first full day at the lab, he then came in to his own practice and was working minus one of his pt's. He's pretty good at multi-tasking, but the office was definitely backed up.

Since the girls were each at their float sites--I put in an hour at Cassie's--sketched out a 4 foot Superman, the logo, and a crescent moon--and Dave had gone over to Ali's, I texted him to see about getting the girls home 'cause I know I'd be late picking them up.

It was interesting... I've been writing on any new eval slips (for doctor follow ups) that my pain is worse at night, and as soon as Gary started working on me, he could actually feel how tight my neck and shoulders were. I said, 'Welcome to my nights'. What's funny is that if I feel any pain when he works on me, he can usually tell me what I'm feeling without me having to say a word. THIS is why I won't switch to anyone else.

I just wish my physical therapy appointment was right after being squished in the torture device. My right shoulder is killing me know--I think I'll put some ice on it and rest for a while before heading back to work at 11:30.

Mammography--UGH

2008-10-14T06:41:00.000-07:00

Well, being that I'm 42 and should have started getting my breasts squished in a vice-like contraption for two years already, I went for my first mammography today. I must say, overall, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be--but it was close.

The first half (two pictures, one of each) wasn't too bad. For those of you still waiting to go, the technician places your breast on a cold metal shelf. This plastic tray-like device slides downward, impaling every micro-ounce of flesh from your shoulders downward toward the cold metal shelf. Then the technician turns a knob, thus flattening the breast into even more of a pancake. She walks away, presses some buttons and voila! Magically the plastic tray-like device releases it's hold and moves upward. The same procedure is repeated on the other side. I think, this wasn't so bad--Yippee--I'm done, but NO!

Next, the whole top of the machine turns to it's side on a 45 degree angle. Now, you get to stand sideways, with your arm above the machine, and the technician squishes all fleshy parts from under your arm (then turns you towards the machine) and your whole breast onto the cold metal shelf. Down comes the plastic tray-like device and a turn of the knob and you're now stuck, trying to breathe to calm down the screaming nerve endings, but you're worried about moving too much and having any kind of pull going on. This lovely procedure gets repeated on the other side, but when the tech goes to look at the picture, she realizes my chin was in the way of the slide.

Knowing that my sister-in-law, Theresa, has been through much worse, I bravely say, "It's okay if you have to do it again--I'll survive!" Back into the torture chamber again, staring at the ceiling this time, making sure my chin is not in THIS picture. I must say the angled pictures hurt much more than the sqishy downward one!

I can only conclude that some man must have invented this procedure and about 100 years from now, they'll be comparing it to some form of torture inflicted on women similar to burning at the stake, or the 'rack'. OVERALL, though...it really wasn't so bad...nothing near that nerve pain from August...I guess it helped knowing it would be over soon...now it's just the paranoid feeling you get while waiting for results.

weddings

2008-10-14T06:33:00.000-07:00

This past Friday night, Dave and I attended a wedding reception for our neighbor's son. It was about an hour away in Floral Park, Queens at a place called Floral Terrace. Boy, oh boy, what an elaborate hall! I don't know if there is anything in Suffolk County that is anywhere close to looking like this place. The cocktail hour was on one floor with about 40 or so menu items plus passed hors d'ouvres. The reception was on another floor with a domed ceiling, swept with gold swirls and a cherub dome over the raised, round, dance floor. It was really quite beautiful. The D.J. was great and we danced our tails off!

It's funny how it's taken me 24 years to learn how to truly follow Dave when we dance. I found the key is eye contact. IF I don't make eye contact with him, I end up trying to lead- and we fall out of step. If I keep my eyes locked on his, we move in sync and we can be twirling all over the floor without missing a step.

I do have to say that my thigh muscles, calf muscles and hips ached for a good two days following. I think I need to dance more :)

Awards Presentation Pictures

2008-10-11T17:24:00.001-07:00

Day with Robbi and Louise

2008-10-04T16:52:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, I was able to get together with Robbi and Louise. They were my friends and singing buddies from high school. Because they graduated two years before I did, we lost touch over the years. I ran into Robbi at Smith Haven Mall and we vowed to get together. After googling Louise for about 15 minutes, I found her as well. Louise contacted the two of us to tell us that she'd be in Manhattan today for a series of seminars.

Robbi and I met at Ronkonkoma train station...me, waiting on the train, and Robbi getting on last minute. We talked non-stop throughout the train ride and I was shocked when we arrived in Penn Station. It was the shortest train ride I can remember. We met Louise in front of the Hotel Pennsylvania about 5 minutes after arriving and we set off to find a chinese restaurant called Ginger. At first, we saw where Robbi thought it was supposed to be and there was a new place called Cosi. Heading just one more block north was the ticket, and there was Ginger.

We sat for almost three hours reminiscing and sharing stories about our lives. It was such a trip remembering all of those wonderful times we had together. It's funny, how when you see friends after so many years, the conversations never end. We could have talked for another 24 hours straight and not been out of conversation.

At the end of our time together, we decided that we should get our families together in the spring. We figured that Robbi and I could head up to Boston since it's only an hour from Louise. A lot of our kids are learning about, or will be learning about, American History so the Freedom Trail is a must. We weren't too sure if our husbands would be interested in this trip as none of them know each other and they might feel forced into getting to know each other. We'll see.

On the train ride home, Robbi and I decided that we need to get together more often. She only lives about 20 minutes away, so it's ridiculous that we haven't done this yet.

Most of all, I would love to sing with them again. Hopefully this will happen soon.

ING Award Winner

2008-10-03T14:14:00.001-07:00

http://www.ing-usa.com/us/aboutING/CorporateCitizenship/Education/INGUnsungHeroes/001131.html

Copy and paste and then click on New York and scroll down. I am the winner of an 'ING, Unsung Heroes Award'.

This morning I was greeted to a surprise reception breakfast at my school. In attendance, were the faculty and staff, our PMCT president Paul Pecorale, our S.S. director Gloria Sesso, ELA director Karen Meier, newly appointed S.S. department photographer Lydia Deangelis, a former colleague currently teaching at another building Beth Corpac, the district clerk Dennis Logan, principal Karen Malone, Superintendant of Schools Michael Mostow, Asst. Superintendant for instruction Christine Finn and two representatives from ING!

The reps said that over 1400 people, across the USA, applied for these awards and I was one of the 100 to be awarded one. I was presented with a check for a project I had submitted (a real one and a large fake laminated one) as well as a plaque that reads: "2008 ING Unsung Heroes Award presented to Cynthia Zegel in recognition of innovation and excellence in education. The ING Unsung Heroes Awards program honors America's classroom heroes and their innovative programs that take student learning to new heights."

It was a very exciting morning and I can't wait to get started spending that money on new books and costumes for our 5th graders so they can better learn and show off their knowledge about the important people and events of the American Civil War.

The Tale of Despereaux

2008-09-30T07:22:00.000-07:00

My favorite read-aloud is The Tale of Despereaux by Kate Di Camillo. It came recommended by a teacher from Riverhead who said her second graders applauded when it was finished. It is that good! I have had the same experiences the past three years. My students are thoroughly engaged in this book. There are many places where they have to infer what is happening in the story. They have those 'AHA!' moments when the story connects to another part of the story.

The story is told in four parts and we're introduced to three separate individuals who are integral parts of the story. Their individual stories take place at different times as well, but they all come together in the end. The first part of the book is about a mouse named Despereaux (des per oh) who is born with his eyes open and has very large ears. From day one, his family notices he doesn't seem mouse-like. He doesn't like to scurry, or eat, and even more strange--he reads! When he sits at the foot of the king, and falls in love with Princess Pea (yeah, my students laughed at the name pea (pee) but they got over it quickly) he gets sent to the mouse council to decide his fate. The reader is then introduced to a rat named Chiaroscuro (the mixture of light and dark together) and later... a farm girl turned slave named Miggory Sow. The way these three characters lives intertwine is the sheer genious workings of a talented author.

Best of all--Universal Pictures is creating the movie version due out December 19th. While showing the preview clip to my students (our school just got a laptop on a cart with a projector--yippee! our technology is catching up) they were dismayed at how many parts were put in the movie that were not in the book. I figure we should be up for a field trip--December 19th is the Friday right before we go on break for Christmas and New Years. Perfect timing. We can see the movie in the morning...they can look over their responses from the book and create a venn diagram about the similarities and differences between the book and movie.

Even better--my colleague, Jenn, put our grade level in to become Kidsday writers and asked if we could interview Kate DiCamillo and review her books and the movie. We've got our fingers and toes crossed on this one!

LCI

2008-09-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

Over the past year, I have been part of a group of teachers who come together for this program called LCI--Learner Centered Initiatives. The basic theory is that if we can teach students authentic curriculum and assess them on many different levels, learning will become more meaningful for them and they will have more success as learners. We were challenged to take the curriculum we have to cover and find new ways to present it to students. The curriculum gets focused around a central core --which should be an open ended question that students have to answer. A bad question would be: What happened at the Boston Tea Party? A better, more open-ended question would be: How did the Patriots fight back against British imposed laws? An even better question might be: Why war? The last question can move on to many topics and students have a better range of interest. They could look for a central theme: freedom (as with the Am. Revolution), beliefs (Am. Civil War), religion, land (Fr. and Indian War), etc...

I actually tried this last year with my fifth graders: Our central question was 'Why Migrate?' Each time we examined a new era in SS, we looked back at the question--it even crossed into our science curriculum with animals. We found out that people move for all different reasons: new opportunity (Westward Expansion, Gold Rush), War (Holocaust, Civil War, WW I and II), Land (Remember the Alamo? :), Freedom (Underground RR, Holocaust), and so on.

I also examined the way in which I assess my students. I was please to see that I was right on the money that most of my assessments are informal and come from a lot of observation (use of individual dry erase boards was key) and conferring with students about reading and writing. My informal assessments were mainly in the forms of actual tests and final products--published writing and proof of reading (reader response notebooks, post-its).

This coming Thursday, I get to join this group again. We will be looking more deeply into the creation of rubrics to assess student learning. While I already create rubrics with my students, I am interested in seeing what else I could do to make them better and more useable.

While I hate (yes, I know it's a strong word--but I feel strongly about this) being out of my classroom, I feel that LCI is worth it. It has shaped me into a more thoughtful, reflective teacher and I look forward to learning more.

Physiatrist Appointment

2008-09-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

Update to Physiatry Anyone? When I left work, I was backing out of my spot and when I turned my head something went pop and I started feeling pain and numbness traveling down my right arm--my fingers were cold on my right hand, not my left. I figured...perfect timing! After a 2 hour painful wait, I was finally called in. The physiatrist put me through some of the same moves my PT did--I told him of the weakness I was feeling in my right hand and while putting me through the tests, he noted that my right arm was weaker than my left--go figure. He sent me off with a script for a nerve pain drug (didn't fill it because I'd have to take it every day--rather take percocet as needed--if needed) as well as some information on having a cortisone injection in between my c and t areas. They do it in the ambulatory surgical center because they need the x-ray machine to help guide the needle. Once in, they shoot dye to see if they have the right place and, if so, they give the streroid a push. He said the advantage to this method is that the steroid is going right where it's needed instead of traveling thoughout the body like an oral steroid. I have a month to decide if I want to go through with this. I go back and forth--on a minimal pain day, I think NAH, I don't need it, but on a high pain day, I'm ready and willing. Guess I'll do some research over the Internet.

physiatry anyone?

2008-09-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I'll be seeing a physiatrist to evaluate the course of treatment for my neck. I'm so curious as to how this is a different evaluation than those I've had with Gary PT; and if there will be any new (fun) ways to help... I've also been wondering how long the statute of limitations is on a car accident. If all of this stems from a 17-year-old car accident, should it be a no-fault case? It was treated as such all those years ago. Who does one ask about these things?

Not great news...1 miracle needed

2008-09-18T16:36:00.000-07:00

They sent my brother-in-law Gary home from the hospital yesterday. He has non small cell sarcoma--stage 4 lung cancer. It's said to be one of the agressive forms of cancer. From what I've been told, he has an appointment with an oncologist tomorrow to talk about starting chemo and radiation simultaneously. We're trying to pray for a miracle...please join us!

After some wicked pain in my neck and right shoulder yesterday I got treated by Gary PT this morning. While my pain hasn't disappeared it is markedly better than yesterday. Gary PT was nominated by 8 of his patients for a 'physical therapist of the year award'. Last week, he found out he was one of the finalists and just yesterday found that he won the award. He said that the magazine sent a photographer to check out the facility and decide how to do the photo shoot.

I told my friend and colleague, Kim (all these Kim's and Gary's are driving me crazy--I'm actually listening to Gary Carter commentate for the Mets as I write this!), about his award--she was his patient as well. We agreed that he is a dynamic physical therapist and most deserving of this award. I think what I respect most about him is that he doesn't give up--when conventional treatment doesn't help, he finds alternate ways that work--and if that doesn't work, he'll keep searching for the right method. He also listens carefully to what is going on with your specific pain--mine was very erratic and hard to understand for a while. In addition, Gary also has that drive to become more knowledgeable about his craft (educational term--not sure if it applies).

My only fear is that he has been talking about an offer he had with a very large 'corporation (for lack of a better word)' to be their full time PT man. Not sure what my neck will do without him...I hear his wife has great thumbs...it's tough to start over with someone new.

Monday, I will be seeing a physiatrist (physical medicine and rehab specialist) who will put me through some tests to determine a course of treatment. Dr. Raanan will then complete a report for me to bring to Gary (PT). I'm curious to see if this will be a worthwhile appointment. I don't know if there is anything new that Gary hasn't tried. Hey...ya never know?

Back to Gary (brother-in-law)...Please Pray.

Gary update

2008-09-16T13:40:00.001-07:00

Well, the latest is they think...emphasis on the word think...that Gary's bleeding has stopped. The doctors are worried about blood clots so he's being sent for a CT scan. Last night he had run out of the painkillers that the nurses would bring him. When Kim went to tell the nurses he needed more pain pills, they said he'd have to wait because they were changing shifts. Gary was in so much pain, he took his own pills that he had brought from home. It probably saved his insurance a couple of hundred dollars! Hopefully his doctors will find out what they can do for him soon...and figure out once and for all where the cancer is and how far it has spread.

School is going well. My students are very nice, but chatty. I must get better at sticking to the rules that they created. I use a whole banking system and they get 'fined' for disobeying a rule. They have to have a certain amount of money by the end of the week to participate in Fun Friday (a 15 minute session at the end of each week where the kids can play games, use math manipulatives, etc.). Each time one of them interrupts without raising their hand, they lose money--this is the one I'm really bad at catching! I don't know why, but I feel bad taking money away--it's not even real money...the amounts are written on colored popsicle sticks!

Pain has subsided for the most part. I've been diligent in keeping up my exercises at home with these stretchy bands that I got from the physical therapist Gary (so many Gary's lately), along with leg lifts to keep the knees going away from replacements! I do have to say my worst days are Sundays and Wednesdays; Sunday worse than Weds. By those days, I have been without treatment for 2-3 days and I can soooo feel it. I still have many Percocet pills left over just in case of a really bad night--like the night of the last Mets game to which we went (really proper English, thanks to Ali).

The board of education was granted money by one of the local congressmen, Caesar Trunzo, to keep arts and club activities funded for this year. The danger in doing so is that next year, that money will have to be appropriated for in the budget...making the budget go up by that much more. One of the board members said that to get a tax cap of 4 1/2% would cut our current budget by about $5,000,000! This is what happened to California schools and now they have no art, gym, or physical education. The general ed teacher has to incorporate it into the school day! This is NOT what NY should follow--it's disasterous--Imagine ME teaching phys. ed???? Art and music I could do just fine though. The danger is that those extra subjects probably get pushed by the wayside because of lack of time, or lack of the educational wherewithall to teach it. Something's gotta give!

Cancer

2008-09-15T15:06:00.001-07:00

I write this as my husband is heading out to visit my sister-in-law and her husband, Gary. He was diagnosed two weeks ago with cancer. He had been having pain in his lower back...figured it was sciatic (sp) problems and went on his merry, but painful, way. When the pain got unbearable, he headed to the hospital where they told him he had cancer in his bones, and lungs, and elsewhere. Today, he went for a needle biopsy, and they wouldn't do it because they were worried they'd puncture his lung. So they tried his adrenal gland (cancer there too?) I believe and he's bleeding a lot, so they're keeping him there.

Gary is a retired NYC police officer and a stand-up cook. He makes the best grilled onions for burgers and hot dogs, a mean pasta sauce, and the best hamburgers in the world. When the girls went to the choral festival, we stayed at their house for about 5 days. For two people with no children, they survived the three of us for a week. I'm sure they breathed a sigh of relief when we left, but we did manage some fun while we were there.

If you happen to be reading this, please say a prayer for Gary and Kim.

Mets and Sunsets

2008-09-12T17:27:00.000-07:00

We went to, what will probably be, our last Mets game at Shea Stadium. On the way, the sky was so cool looking. It was split in half down the L.I.E.--half darkness; half blinding light.

At Shea, there was a beautiful sunset as I faced the city. It's so nice to have a camera phone to capture a memory.

Being at Shea, late in the season, didn't bother me until the game was over. Then, the melancholy feeling took over. I remembered going there with my dad and sitting in the red seats--the nosebleed sections. It was back in the time of Lee Mazzilli. The excitement of the 86 Mets came back and the memory of hanging out in Theresa and Jeff's bedroom at Annabelle's house came along with it. I remember all of us piling on the bed watching the series, stacking up beer cans into pyramids (the drinking age was 19, I believe) and so were we. Then all of the times we went to Shea with Kim, and got to sit in SAI's box seats--orange--about 6 rows up from the field, just past 1st base --scooted into my brain. I was near tears taking some last pics of the scoreboard. The end of an era.

First week of school

2008-09-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

The first two days went off without a problem. I have a great, although sometimes chatty, group of 27 students. The heat and humidity for the first two days of school was unbearable. It was like walking through soup--and it wasn't gazpacho!!! We actually had a heat advisory and we had to make sure the kids took it easy during recess and that they got drinks every 15 minutes (which was how long recess lasted anyway). Being on the third floor is always a trip. It seems as thought the heat rises 10 degrees for each floor you go up. It was brutal trying to teach feeling as though you just stepped out of the shower and didn't get to dry off. UGH--these are the things the corporate world doesn't think about when they complain about educators.

Enough complaints. School is great and there isn't any job in the world I'd rather do...except sing in a Broadway show, but at my age, it's pretty unlikely to happen. If I wait another 20 years, I can play the old ladies in the shows...I DO retire in 20 years. Now there's something to think about.

My neck and shoulders were happy as could be after my appointment Thursday morning. Hopefully they'll both be happy until Monday. It's almost as though they're an entity apart from me. When they're in pain, I'm quite miserable. When there's minimal pain, I feel grateful for that and I'm a very happy person.

Tomorrow we're getting part of Tropical Storm (once known as hurricane) Hannah. I'm thinking that Cassie will not have soccer practice, but she does have a game this Sunday at nearby Bellport Middle School. Hopefully she will not get hurt--her eye is finally fine, although this past week she was fighting a sore throat.

Ali's trying to figure out her plans for tonight--a group of girls want to go to dinner together. It's her SAKKS group (Samantha, Ali, Katie, Katey, and Stine-short for Christine). They've had these get togethers each year since they were little and they always have a Christmas party/sleepover without fail.

I'll be working on typing up my first week of lesson plans. I usually use the same template for each week and just swap out what I'm teaching and put it into the time slots that stay the same week after week. Guess I should get to work...Happy Weekend!

Lovin' google; back to school; sleepless in Medford

2008-09-03T15:44:00.001-07:00

Well, it only took me about ten minutes the other day to Google and find my dear friend, Louise! I sent her an e-mail, she responded and then I sent another to her and Robbi. We're hoping to see each other the beginning of October. The Internet is an amazing communications tool!

Students come in to school tomorrow. I could spend another three days organizing things and I'd still find more to organize. It amazes me how much work I can create for myself.

Year after year, I keep the things that worked the previous year and drive myself crazy trying to fix the things that didn't work. Last year, I finally found a great way to keep track of books that students read throughout the year AND keep them accountable for it. THIS year, I am in search of the perfect way to keep track of my independent and guided reading conferences that I have with my students. I've tried separate pages for each child, but found that I would miss some kids along the way. I've tried going around with post-its and then attaching them, but would lose the post-its, or the place where I wanted to put them. I've tried keeping a composition notebook, but found it was too disorganized and I couldn't find what each student needed to improve upon. SO this year I am trying a grid system-30 boxes, one box for each student and 3 left over to write small group, large group and individual lesson needs. On one side, the grid would be for independent reading conferences and the other would be for guided reading conferences. Let's see if this is the answer to a 10-year old problem.

I couldn't sleep last night. I don't know if it's the excitement of starting a new school year, but my neck was killing me--this time working into the right shoulder. At first, I fell asleep watching the Mets' game, but woke a short while later to Keith Hernandez shouting ...extra innings. The adreneline kicked in and I stayed up to watch the Mets actually win in extra innings. Then I was too excited to sleep and watched the rest of Friends, Sex & the City, and then Will and Grace. I tossed and turned all night and was thankful when the alarm went off at 6:45.

I also wonder if my neck is screaming at me--could it actually be in a pattern that it gets mad if I don't stick to my regular pt appointment. Since Monday was Labor Day, it would be a full week from the Thursday before until my next appointment. I am very much so looking forward to my appointment tomorrow morning at the bright morning light of 7 am!

Old Friends

2008-09-01T08:29:00.001-07:00

Last Thursday, I took the girls and two of their friends with me to work on my classroom. It was so nice to have some help with the jobs that take so much time for one person to do--cutting out name labels and attaching them to folders and index cards and cubbies and closet spots etc... We went to the mall after that to have lundin (lunch/dinner) and to shop for some school clothes. The girls did very well and I found some great $5 bargains at NY&Co.

When we were just about finished shopping, and waiting for Cassie to get out of the dressing room at H&M, Ali and her friend Steff and I sat on a bench inside the mall. Who appears in front of my eyes....one of my high school friends, Robbi (Hall) Kumalo!!! It was so great to see her--it's funny how time seems encapsulated when you see someone you shared that high school experience with.

Robbie and I and our friend Louise Rizzuto (now Lee, I think) used to sing together. I was the alto of our little group, Louise the soprano and Robbie the swinger in the middle. We sang some great pieces back then...'Lift thine Eyes' and 'Send in the Clowns', and 'Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy'...Our harmonies and the blend of our voices made the hair stand up on my arms. It was so connected and beautiful. I miss the sound and the commraderie of our relationship.

It's sad how disconnected we all became after high school--Louise became a Physicians Assistant and the last time I saw her was at Brookhaven Memorial when Dave had sliced his thumb open right under his nail--it was a nasty, bleeding mess that had to be stitched--try putting a needle of painkiller under your nail--OUCH. I lost track of Louise after that. I saw Robbi a couple of times--once in Port Jeff a number of years back and once at a school play that her neice or nephew was in with Ali at Oregon Middle School.

So these chance meetings have got me thinking that there's a reason for us running into each other. I think I need to google Louise and get a date together that we can see each other. Time is short and people are precious factors of our lives. God can throw people into our paths, but we're the ones who need to foster those relationships.

The girls, Dave and back to school

2008-08-29T19:23:00.000-07:00

Cassie went over to Davis Park (Fire Island) with her boyfriend, Nick, today. They were with a bunch of other kids as they seem to travel in packs. Nick's going into 12th grade--Cassie--10th grade. He seems a bit shy around us, her parents. I wish he'd get over this! We're really not too scary, and some might even say we're fun to hang around with. Maybe we'll have to formally invite him over for dinner and a Mets game.

While Cassie was enjoying the sun and surf, Ali was working at Dave's store. They were so busy today, they didn't eat lunch for quite some time. This is Dave's busiest time of the year at the store with kids going back to school. He usually works 12 hour days for two weeks straight. Then once he's finally off, I head back to school and my busy season starts.

I went back up to school for an hour this morning from about 11:30 until I left for the neurosurgeon at 12:30. It's amazing the amount of detail work that goes into setting up a classroom for the fall. I think I'm pretty well set. At least we go in 2 days before school starts to put finishing touches on before the kids come in.

Neurosurgeon Appointment

2008-08-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

I love how, when you go into a medical office, and things run so efficiently and the staff is pleasant, it makes you feel confident in what you're about to face. I had done my research on the group and found that I could print and fill out the new patient paperwork at home. After meeting with medical biller, I was brought to an exam room.

The P.A. came in first and reviewed my MRI's with me. I have some bulging (not herniated-whew!) discs at C5/6 and C6/7. My neck is so straight up and down with a bit of a reverse curve. Normally straight up and down would sound good, but in the neck it's not so good. Oh well.

The doctor came in next and gave the good news that I am not (yet) a surgical candidate. He wants me to continue with physical therapy and is sending me to a physiatrist (pronounced fizz eye a trist) to evaluate treatment options. Dr. Galler also said to continue with prednisone if the symptoms flare again.

IF the pain comes back like it was, and no physical therapy or prednisone helps, there are some injections I can get and of course surgery would become an option. The surgery goes in through a place in the front side of the neck and they attach a titanium plate to it--sounds quite unpleasant. I pray that conservative methods work!!!

On my way out the doctor sent me with a more specific script (other than evaluate and treat cervical) that I brought over to Dr. Gary Welch; the physical therapist who's been patient enough to see me through a ton of pain since last November.

Overall, a relief-filled day.

How to comment

2008-08-29T05:26:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I've only told about 5 people about this blog, but I thought I'd at least have one comment by now. Someone told me that they didn't know how to comment so here are some quick comment lessons: First click on the part that says 0 comments right below this message. Then add your comment in the text box on the page that comes up. Type in the coded message into the correct space. Finally click on anonymous and click post comment. Hope to see some of you there soon (I should really let more people know about this).

Well it's off to Dr. Galler today (neurosurgeon). I do believe I will actually take notes about what he says. Usually I come out with my head swimming--sometimes with terms I can't even pronounce let alone understand. This time I need to know what's going on in detail and what my options are for treatment. I NEVER want to go through the pain I went through last week.

Funny part of being on Percocet. My friend Sharon brought up a conversation that we had on the Monday when I had taken the first dose and was very sleepy. I had no clue that we had even spoken to each other except for the final topic we discussed. She said I sounded quite loopy.

Splish Splash Adventure?

2008-08-26T17:47:00.001-07:00

Why was I worried about what slides to go on? We were able to go on one total slide, have lunch and go on the lazy river in 5 hours. Hollywood Stunt Rider was the first one we went on. It took us a little over an hour on line. Lunch was next. Lazy River was another 20 minute wait--we stayed on as long as we could, hiding out in a tucked away alcove to enjoy the sun. Saw the kids after that and watched them on Alien Encounter after they waited for an hour (we were at the wave pool waiting). Then it was time to leave (4:35). I hope I remember this waste of $36 a piece next time someone wants to go to Splish Splash!

Back to School

2008-08-25T16:58:00.000-07:00

So, today I went back to school to continue organizing the room. About 3 hours in, I realized I could get rid of a set of cubbies and make a lot more room for my reading area. It turned out that a primary teacher needed one anyway so at least it went to good use.

The rest of the day was quite productive: putting things away and unpacking new things to put away. I got the entire shelf along the windows completely cleared off (something I was never able to do before). I love to have a nice, neatly organized space.

Now I'm just down to creating folders, job cards, independent reading center, closet spots, bus info, word wall, etc...(the basics of being ready to start the year.

This Wednesday we get to work with writing workshop guru Judy Davis. She always leaves me feeling empowered to be the best facilitator of writing ever. I can't wait--it's a great way to start out the school year.

For tomorrow, we'll be off to Splish Splash, but I doubt I'll be found on any major body slides. I'll probably just stick to the tubes and the lazy river.

Soccer and Cassie

2008-08-23T19:21:00.000-07:00

Cassie's new soccer team had their first scrimage today. They won 2-1 against a team that was 4 divisions higher than they were. The girls played so well and Cassie had a lot of saves as goalie. She also came off wounded as their were a couple of plays where she went for the ball and got tackled. First time, she got kicked right at the bottom of her shin guard. The second time she got a knee to the eye socket. That one was awful, and it nauseates me to think of the painful scream that left her body. Her nose is swollen, as is her cheekbone under her left eye socket. But after her trainer, Russell, got her on her feet, she played out the rest of the game in pain. She'll look great for high school tryouts this week--she'll probably show up with a nice shiner come Monday morning--a great conversation piece for tryouts.

Back to School

2008-08-22T14:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went back to school to check out my classroom. I have moved from the second to the third floor and all of my educational belongings were in boxes--about 15-20 good sized boxes. I worked for about an hour in the morning and then came back with Cassie in tow. We worked like maniacs for over 5 hours. It is amazing how many things I have accumulated over 2 years of being in the other room. It was kind of nice to get rid of items when I was packing up in June, but a daunting task when unpacking in a new classroom.

We got all the boxes unpacked. Cassie organized my classroom library bins, and organized my storage closet while I cleaned out a storage cabinet and put my things away. Then we had the trying task of figuring out how to organize seating. Our intermediate (grades 3-5) classrooms at River are small (we've counted ceiling tiles--it's 11 (2ft? tiles) going across the width and 7 (3ft. going longways--roughly 22x21 or 462sq feet) The school was built in the 1920's when students sat in rows of tiny desks and not much else went on in the classroom. Take out 2 feet from 3 walls for cubbies and computer tables and built in shelves for our class library and you have about 340 sq feet. Put in a u-shaped reading table that takes up another 18 sq ft. Now divide that by 27 students and 1 teacher and each person has about 10sqft. which includes their desk or table space. This issue isn't a problem in our primary classrooms because they are larger, and the students are smaller. Go figure...

Hunger finally got the best of us a little after 7pm and we trekked off to Hibachi Sushi. At least it was a productive day. I will have to go back at least two days next week prior to the start of school on September 2nd.

Montauk-The End

2008-08-20T16:11:00.001-07:00

Many of our good friends have campers. They bought them around 8 years ago and started camping all over Long Island and up into Connecticut (Strawberry Park). We decided to not get a camper. If I'm on vacation, I want to be on vacation. I tried camping at Strawberry Park, and although I had fun, it was a lot of work--cooking, cleaning, making beds, etc...I thought to myself, I could be home doing the same thing. Better yet-for the same price (camper and site cost 1200 for the week), I could've been in a nice clean hotel where they clean and make your bed for you AND you don't worry about having to request a pump-out.

Tuesday evening we headed to Montauk-Dave had to work so it was just the girls and me. We got there and my friend Marie was beside herself because their grey water was overflowing (at least it wasn't the black stuff) and their power had a problem and the 4 teenage boys she had in her camper (2 were her own sons) had ravaged the food supply. Her husband Rami wasn't due out until Wednesday evening. Not sure if she's decided to speak to him yet...

We brought the kids into town and they went to The Movie. That's what the movie theater is called in Montauk. It is a small building and shows one flick at 7 and 9:15 pm. The adults headed onto Main St. to have dinner. We went to a place called Shagwong's. Yeah, I know the name is weird, but the food was delicious. We got mussels (red and white sauces), baked clams, and a mix of shrimp, scallops, and mussels in an amazing broth (as good as Water Zooeys of Garden City). They had a prix fix menu for $21.95 and my tuna and salmon was juicy! It's just so funny how when you get a fixed menu price, and split 3 $14 appetizers amongst 9 people, it ends up costing $48 a person. So let me add this in to the camping experience....

After losing a measly $5 on Texas Hold 'em, I retired for the night with my wonderful oxycodone. Listening to the waves crash right outside the camper, combined with the pain going down my shoulder to my hand being numbed, I had no trouble falling asleep. THIS was wonderful! Nothing prepared me for the sheer pleasure of waking up to a cool sunny day with the gentle swooshing of water on the shoreline. It was soothing and put me in a very happy place to start the day. If only Dave could be her enjoying it with me...

Now I understand the benefits of camping-to have a home away from home and be able to enjoy new places and experiences. Even with the issues poor Marie had this trip, it probably accounts for about 2% of all her camping experiences. And if I was home, I'd be doing the same type of chores, but being in such a gorgeous place makes it all worthwhile.

Ahh... relief

2008-08-18T18:04:00.000-07:00

Well after a somewhat relaxing PT appointment (except when he stretched my arm out and pushed back-electric shocks felt as if they were going down my arm), as soon as I sat up the pain came back full force. I cried all the way to the ortho's office and continued to cry while signing in and all throughout the appointment.

Now, I've had many surgeries-gall bladder, 1 left and 3 right knee arthroscopys, a lateral patellar dislocation (that stayed on the outer side of my leg for about 2 hours until the ortho at the er put it back in place), and 2 c-sections, but nothing has hurt like this!

The doctor ordered a steroid pack (prednisone-UGH), and some wonderful oxycodone (percocet). I spent a great afternoon in a drug induced haze, and am now suffering the stomach repercussions of one of those drugs (a bit nauseas, and a lot of gurgling going on). My right arm feels really weird though-minimal pain, but really weak.

The ortho mentioned bulging discs at C6 and 7, but I was in so much pain I didn't pay attention to what the rest of my MRI report said. I may have to call tomorrow to get a copy of it to keep with my films. I'm also supposed to follow up with a spine specialist. I'd like to find someone nearby--these doctors practice mostly in Rockville Center which is quite a hike. The PT said he has a list of some doctors that they deal with.

Spine Photo

2008-08-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Robb and Lisa for that photo--definitely helped me piece the puzzle together.

OH my goodness, PAIN!

2008-08-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

For the past 10 months, I have been experiencing pain in my right shoulder. Sometimes it would radiate down my arm and my fingers would feel all tingly. Bad enough pain to cause me to wake up several times a night. My orthopedic sent me for physical therapy which helped ease the pain after about 6 months-long after my insurance began denying me physical therapy sessions. MRI's showed I had 2 tears; in my rotator cuff and my subscap.

In July, since the pain was still present, I asked my orthopedic, "What if the pain is stemming from my neck from a car accident I had 17 years ago?" He sent me for an MRI of my c-spine. I figured I'd make an appointment to go over the results upon my return from California. Well, just when the pain in my right shoulder began to be tolerable, I came home from California with intense pain in my LEFT shoulder! This time it was a constant shooting, searing pain down my left arm into my elbow and down to my hand. I brought my MRI's to my PT (waiting a week to see the ortho was too long for me) who looked them over and showed me where my C4 through C7 were and how some of them were pushing into my spinal cord! HMMMMM....this makes sense!

The past 4 days the pain has become so awful, I find myself moaning and groaning (usually after someone brings it to my attention), and crying with pain. My PT was good enough to stay open (he had a couple of other patients that morning) and do an eval on Saturday morning--traction seemed to help and he found this great spot on my neck that when he pressed it, the pain subsided (I keep trying to find it on my own but worry I may cut off my circulation somewhere).

Tomorrow, Monday, I have an appointment with my PT (beg for heat and the lovely towel around my neck stretching me into oblivion--I feel as though I must look like one of those old-fashioned dental patients with their cheeks wrapped up) and straight from there I'm off to the ortho to seek some answers. I just know I cannot function like this! My arm feels weird and my strength is lacking-hard to lift an empty water bottle. This cannot be good.

Yesterday we had a family barbecue with Dave's family and my mom at our house. I did all the prep work--shopping, making dips, marinating chicken and skewering it on a stick (this was tricky as my left arm had a lot of difficulty holding the strips of chicken as my right hand threaded the stick through it). Running Cassie to soccer practice in the middle of it all gave me the time alone where I really began to feel the pain again. I had to get ice for blended drinks (try carrying that with an arm that feels as if it's coming off anaesthesia) which brought the tears again. I tried hanging around with family to get my mind off the pain and finally around 9:30, succumbed to my needs and went to the bedroom with the heating pad praying for relief. It finally came sporadically throughout the night. When I woke (for good) this morning, it came back with a vengeance--now I have some fun little spasms to go along with the pain.

This morning I turned to the Internet to search for answers of Cervical herniated discs and it all makes a lot of sense. I just don't like the answers.

40's

2008-08-14T09:47:00.000-07:00

I find that once I hit my 40's I became less inhibited in speaking my mind. Sometimes it gets me into trouble and I hurt others, but most times I'm right on the money. I heard someone on the radio say just this morning, 'yesterday is past, tomorrow is uncertain and all we have is right here and now'. It struck a chord with me and I made a promise to myself that I would continue this saying what I mean to say and not hold back. Let's see how many enemies I make :>)

Back home again...

2008-08-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

Well, California was gorgeous. Weather was perfect--75, sunny, cloudless, and no humidity! San Fransisco was very chilly. Who knew, that in August, it could be that way. The teachers I was with were puzzled by the fact that we could see the steam coming out of our breath. The campus at Stanford makes me want to be a student again. The grounds are so immense, it's like a town instead of a campus. Nearby Palo Alto reminded me a bit of East Hampton, except larger by about 4x. Muir Woods was incredible with its Redwoods climbing so high it seemed as though I'd topple over looking upward at the canopy! If I can figure out how to post pictures, you can see for yourself :)

California Here I Come

2008-07-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

So I'm flying cross-country (it's the only cross-country I can do with my knee issues) this Sunday. I'll be attending a symposium on The American West thanks to our brilliant (no sarcasm here--she really is brilliant) S.S. Director. We'll spend 5 days learning about the history of the American West and gathering authentic teaching tools for our students to better learn history. Looking forward to checking out Palo Alto, the Bay Area of San Fransisco and the City of San Fransisco itself.

Now, I do not enjoy long flights. I haven't always been this way. As a teenager I traveled with the Long Island Youth Orchestra to places like Morocco and China. I had no trouble with flights that took forever. It took a return flight from Vegas to panic me. We were enjoying a weekend with about 30 of our friends and families celebrating our friend Rami's 40th birthday. On the way home (Southwest-coach bus style- 3seat/3seat split) we hit turbulence that kept everyone seated for a good 4 hours out of the 5. The plane would drop and then soar--Dave slept through it, Ali and Cassie had their headphones on and were in 'the zone' and I sat gripping the armrests ready to jump out of my seat, open the door and freefall down to Earth. After that, I swore I'd never fly again.

April 2008 had us in Orlando-the flights were just fine. The only thing drawing me to a long plane trip again is the joy of learning and being able to teach my students in a more creative, confident fashion. So off I go into the wild blue yonder...Maybe I'll slug a nice drink at 8 am???

Crazy July

2008-07-28T14:44:00.000-07:00

So, July has been a haphazard month. The first full week started out easily enough--relaxing and getting things done around the house.

Then the second week came and it's been non-stop ever since. We spent a week in Wildwood, NJ with our two nieces and two nephews, Dave's sister Kim and then we were joined by Dave's brother Chris and his fiance, Monica, and her son Sergio. Dave's family has been going to Wildwood since before he was born and we've been going every year since we've been together (starting in 85!). It just has so much to offer with the beaches, a 2 1/2 mile boardwalk and 5 piers with rides (from kiddie to giant roller coasters to extreme rides where bungees and cables shoot you around a hundred feet in the air). The kids are all old enough to head up to the boardwalk unsupervised and we'll stay back for a while and play cards, or LCR and eventually meet up with them for some Paul's Idaho French Fries. The week we went, the weather couldn't have been better.

We returned on Saturday the 19th and then the girls and I set out for Dave's sister Kim's house from Sunday-Thursday. The girls were singing in the Long Island Masterworks High School Honors Choir. Adelphi University has graciously given over their facilities and some of their professors. Ali got a solo in 'Seasons of Love' from Rent and we were blown away when she opened her mouth on Friday evening. It was nice to finally hear her let it out. Can't wait until Cassie is confident enough to do the same.

We returned Friday night, the 24th around 11pm and got Ali to the airport for her flight to Washington DC. She's spending a week with HOBY (Hugh O'Brien Youth World Leadership Conference--Hugh O' Brien was the original Wyatt Earp on TV and went on to become an amazing humanitarian).

Now, when she returns, I leave a day later for California! After my return, we're really not going to know what to do with ourselves! I'll probably start thinking about and prepping for teaching this fall.

Cassie will continue to keep us busy with her soccer team though and her knee doctor appointments. Sadly, she got my knees in the gene pool. She has a 40% rotation of her kneecap on her right knee. A lateral release is a temporary solution and her doctor recommends that she see another specialist to discuss a Fulkerson procedure (not always successful). Her PT is working on taping her knee so it may gradually release to it's correct position without surgery. There's never a dull moment when there's kids around.

Empty Nest Syndrome-How do they do it?

2008-07-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

Last week, my daughter, Ali, went away with her best friend and her family. She was away for a week and it was really weird. Especially when my daughter, Cassie, spent a couple of days with her best friend. I found myself thinking that this is a vision of two years from now when Ali, then Cassie a year later, head off to college.

How do parents do it? It's a natural progression of life, but I can't imagine my children not being a part of my everyday events. I find it strange that some of my peers can't wait until their children leave the nest. I feel the total opposite!

I think I may need some good antidepressants to get over the hump of my kids leaving me. I guess I would have more time for work (oh goody!), and I might have to find other things to keep me busy. Why must I think of this now??? Enough of future worries! I'll focus on enjoying each and every day as it comes.

Totally Clueless

2008-07-03T13:37:00.000-07:00

LOL! This first time blogger is laughing now. I thought I had added an entry, but lo and behold, it must be lost in cyberspace! I coudn't find my way back to posting for a while and ended up clicking somehow on 'next blog' which brought me to some gorgeous family photos and a beautifully set up page. Some people really know their way around a keyboard.

Anyway...I had originally written that I started this blog after sitting around the house for almost a week with bronchitis and the utter horror of feeling like I'm going to cough up a lung at any moment. I've been a huge fan of howsrobb blog and am so amazed at what a great job Lisa and Robb do at keeping up with it. I'm hoping to be at least a 10th of how dedicated a blogger they are.

If I can only get this to show up on my page, I'll be happy! I clicked on publish post and it didn't show up. Maybe I'll try post options next UGH!